Therefore Go...

Finding Content in the Discontent

2012-02-08T13:16:00.000-08:00

We live in a world that is very much self-seeking, self-pleasing, self, self, self. The get it now and get it fast has turned young people, especially, into some of the most fake and self-centered people I have yet to experience. As much as I would like to exempt myself from the above statement, I am not exempt. Throw in my extreme drivenness and lack of patience and sometimes I can be the most ugly of them all.

I am in an interesting place as of late, one that I can't say I usually stay in for so long. And yet, here I am, several months into being consistently bitter and angry. At what you might ask, well yes, there are some specific things I can pinpoint, but I am ever quick to resort to anger at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason.

When I'm angry I don't explode outwardly, I am pretty good at holding back, but inside, I feel like I am holding onto a monster, one that is rearing his ugly head and breathing fire. Now I struggle with admitting to these type of feelings because I feel like many Christians have gone out of their way to tell me that I need to pull it together, I need to let it go, I need to fix it. But wasn't Jesus angry once in awhile? Yes, His anger was righteous, it was a secondary emotion that occurred because He loves us so deeply. But, as I am His, made in His image, I think it's ok to feel emotions. Not to drown in them, not to be consumed by them, but to feel them and work through them.

I am a pretty emotional person, I have been told I feel too deeply, that I need to grow some tougher skin. But I can honestly tell you that I don't grow much when I am content and just head over heels loving life. The seasons that I look back on that were the most incredible for growing deep roots, were those that I felt things, deep things, things that still make me wince when I think back on them. You know why? Because it was then that I knew that without God, I might literally crumble to ashes. It was in that moment that I understood that God literally gives me every breath, that life without Him is so incredibly pointless, it's like wandering around alone in a desert.

So, in this world, that is all about the now, I have begun to see that people are quick to get over everything and fast, because if you aren't living the happy life of the rich and famous, you must be a nobody. So we learn how to shove things under the proverbial rug, our hearts become cold, and we become distant to everyone and everything. We all become humanitarians, we do enough to feel good, and then we stop because we don't want it to cost us anything.

My heart breaks when I look around and see so many people that walk around with sky high walls around their heart. And then I think about myself, I have been hurt deeply, wounds that seem to always keep on bleeding, and so I have too become a master at resurrecting thick, hard, walls with barbed wire on the top.

And then I am reminded that love is one huge risk. To love and be loved is actually the most terrifying thing on the planet. Because the true definition of love is the one that Jesus gave, He came and died and rose again because He loved us so incredibly, knowing full well that so many would spit in His face and say they hate Him. I have spat in His face more times than I can count. He sacrificed everything. And even then, sometimes I turn my back.

So here I am. Living in a season where I am angry, trying hard to figure out why, to let myself ride with it and not shove it somewhere. And why? Because I don't want to be that girl that can't love sacrificially like I'm called to, I want to be that girl that gives and gives and risks and loves, knowing that ultimately, it doesn't matter if it's reciprocated or not.

Because I was called to love. Mark 12:29-31, “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Acne & Identity

2012-01-30T19:10:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny that no matter how old we grow, most of the problems we had as teenagers don't really go away, they just morph. Granted, we may have learned how to hold our tongues longer and keep a straight face when necessary, but the hurt is still just as strong and just as cutting.

Sometimes I wish someone would have sat me down and told me that people can be just as hurtful, that a job doesn't equal security, that relationships are hard, that stress will not only continue to give you zits, but can also give you ulcers and make your hair fall out. But then again, praise God no one did tell me these things, because frankly, they are discouraging.

Sometimes these images cause for strange reflection, but I've always been one to get completely lost in thought over some pretty ridiculous things. However these reflections led me to a difficult and yet encouraging realization, one that I felt I wanted to share with each of you.

One of the most important lessons I have learned about myself during my time with YWAM is that I am a beloved of the King. Now I know, it sounds simple, but it's one thing to know something in your head and something completely different to know it in your heart. That six inches between my head and my heart sometimes seem like it mind as well be millions of miles apart; because there are many things that I believe intellectually that never become real because my heart remains unbelieving and unchanged.

For me to believe in my heart that I am a daughter of the most high King has taken what some would call an eternity. I have spent far too many years walking around having a chameleon sort of identity. Making myself fit to look like someone or something or anything, just to find acceptance and a sense of security. Identity. What a small word, what a huge concept.

I remember the first time I was ever challenged in this. It was during my Discipleship Training School. This person asked me, "Jacque, who are you?" And of course I answered, "I'm Jacque Gowing, I'm a student, I studied at Colorado State...." and on and on I went listing the attributes I thought made up me. This person let me talk, and when I had finished they asked me again, "but who are you?" My first thought was, this person is clearly deaf because I just told them who I was. After this question was thrown at me five or six times I finally blurted out, "I don't know!" I finally said it out loud, the thing I was so scared to admit, I had no clue who I was. My chameleon skin lay on the ground, I was standing naked, so to speak, for the first time in my life.

Slowly but surely, God began to clothe me, began to speak things over me. I learned about who He had created me to be, the talents He had given me, the joy He found in me, His beloved. And it wasn't that He hadn't been saying these things all along, it's just that I thought He wasn't trustworthy, that the things He had for me were more like condemnation and judgement. I had been deceived, because the things He had for me were like succulent fruit or decadent chocolate cake, I couldn't get enough.

Now let's be real, you do not discover your identity one day and then walk in it flawlessly until the day you die. It becomes a choice. I have to choose day in and day out if I am going to walk in the chameleon ways of my old self, or if I'm going to put that to death and walk in the fullness of who I was created to be.

So back to our teenage selves, although some things never change, I am forever grateful that my identity has. The real reason behind what got me thinking this way is, for the past few weeks I have started getting involved with a local skate church. There is an incredible group of people that have been holding a weekly skate church for 10-18 year olds that have come from broken homes and circumstances. They are students that may not necessarily have a church or feel comfortable in a church setting. So they meet in a skate park, where they are fed, discipled, and are free to skate.

After someone shares, we break the students up into small groups. There are 3-4 girls that show up and as it's only my third week, I am just starting to get to know them. They have no idea that Jesus loves them as much as He does, they have no idea who to find their identity in, they are hurting and facing all of those dreadful teenage insecurities. And more frightening is they don't have strong friends and family supporting them and encouraging them to hold tight to Jesus.

And so that's why my thoughts have been reaching back to all of those moments in my own life. I would so love your prayers for this, for glimpses into their lives and hearts. That ultimately Jesus would reach in and touch them and they would walk in their identity, princesses of the King.

Waves

2012-01-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

I love the ocean. I love looking at its vast expanse and wondering how it's possible that so many things live in its depths. I love listening to it crash loudly on the shore, asserting its awesome power. But most of all, my trips to the beach consist of being in awe of God. Most people go to the beach to enjoy the sun and play in the water, I am quite the opposite. I go to the beach when I am having a hard time. I go to run until I can't feel my legs, I go to sob uncontrollably, I go to shout. Lately I go because I have these nagging doubts that seem to want to consume me. I go to remind myself that if God can create huge expanses of ocean, with thriving life beneath its shores, than surely He desires to have a plan and purpose for me. Surely He can calm these nagging doubts that seem to swallow me whole.

I will be the first to tell you that I do not have it all together. I am judgmental, selfish, over-bearing, driven to a fault, I am opinionated and set in my negative ways. And on and on the list goes. To top it all off, I doubt God often. I know it's not the standard to go around as a missionary admitting that I doubt God, but I do sometimes. Sometimes I think it's incredibly absurd to believe that stories like David and Goliath, Lazarus, and Daniel and the lions actually happened. I think it's strange to believe in someone I can't see. And don't even get me started on Revelation, I mean beasts with twenty eyes and four heads, what in the world?

But then I think back to the ocean and the mountains and the human body, held in this extremely fragile, yet tough state. Those things are just as big of mysteries wrapped in miracles, unexplainable really. Or hearing stories of cancer disappearing, people dying and then suddenly coming back, and money showing up in mailboxes when you need it the most.

Faith is the complete trust and belief in someone or something. I don't know why, but my doubts, that come from my human inability to wrap my mind around everything, seem to rouse my faith. They seem to bring new hope, new desire, new passion. Which are all things I need at the beginning of the year.

Normally, I hate the beginning of the year, while most people see it as a time to make resolutions and set goals, I tend to want to cower in the corner. Although 23 years is not all that old, I feel like the last few years have aged me. They have been difficult, painstaking even. I know it's impossible to expect to live in a state of flowers and roses but I guess I would have liked a few more rainbows and unicorns rather than a broken heart and uncertain steps.

Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe this is what life entails....this is what I have been wrestling with as of late. Seeking God for some truth and understanding in the matter.

Well, to transition into what I have been up to, it has been a hectic wrap up to the year. The last time I wrote was in October and it was then that I was in Salem, Oregon helping staff RescueNet's annual training course. I was blessed to be able to teach the medical part of the course, which was incredible! Not only was it amazing to teach something that I love, but it really helped solidify the material for me.

In November, I moved into a new community house as we had some staff finish up their commitments and move on. So now all of of us single people fit into one house! It is fun to be able to spend more time together, we have quite a fun group! Representing Colorado, Texas, North Carolina, Finland, and Holland, there is never a dull moment! We also are a pretty crafty/artsy group so it's fun to be able to come home everyday to someone's amazing project lying all over the floor! Also these people really love God and have such a huge heart to serve and bless others, they teach me new things every single day.

Now we are here ready to kick off our January DTS (Discipleship Training School) on Sunday. We have students from all over the world coming in which always brings new life and fun to the base!

Things are still going well with RescueNet, I am currently working on getting my uniform and equipment purchased so that I am ready to deploy with the team when the next disaster hits. Please be praying that I would be able to have the finances quickly so that I am ready and not scrambling at the last minute to get all of that sorted out.

Finally I wanted to say that I appreciate you guys, I am blessed to hear about your travels around the US and the world doing outreaches of all sorts. I am also blessed to hear cool stories of God using you in your family or workplace to share His love and goodness. Keep em coming!

RescueNet Course

2011-10-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

I am sitting at the YWAM base in the beautiful state of Oregon. It is my first time to Oregon and I am loving the chilly rainy weather! I know, I know most of you probably think I'm crazy, but October is Pismo's warmest month. I feel like since living there, I have not experienced a true fall season in awhile, so I am soaking it up.

I am here in Oregon because RescueNet is running their yearly training course. This is, in fact, the same course that I did last October in San Francisco. The difference this time is that I am now a staff member, meaning that I am involved in helping teach, run scenarios, and love on the new students that have come with ready and willing minds to learn. As you know, this also is the second phase of my certification process, meaning that after this I can officially deploy with the team.

I am really excited for this course because it combines all of my passions into one. The love of medical mix with the love of God and the love of the community that comes out of the team setting. It really makes me come alive.

You may remember from my last post, that I was asked to teach the medical aspect of the course. This is two solid days of teaching and labs. I know my family would say that listening to me talk for 10 hours a day is like nails on a chalkboard, so I would love your prayers over my time here. This is the first time I have ever taught on this subject, and also the first time I have ever spoken about anything for this length of time. I am feeling the weight and responsibility of my role, and am beginning to get anxious as my teaching days approach. Not to mention, most of the course participants are older and have more training than me. But then I was reminded that God loves using the under qualified and the weak. I want that truth to wash over me, to sink into my very core. Because who am I apart from God anyway?

I would love your prayers over the coming two weeks as the course begins on Sunday and goes for two weeks. My teaching days are on Wednesday October 12 & Thursday October 13 basically all day, so I would really appreciate your prayers specifically then. Also just for protection against sickness, injuries, equipment breaking, or division amongst the team. Your prayers really do make a difference and I am so grateful for them, so thank you in advance!

If more specific things come up I will update you throughout the course, if not, I will send out an update as soon as I return home at the end of the month. Love you all!

Sirens, Stethoscopes, & a Girl

2011-09-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

It has taken me a few weeks to regain composure as I have been settling back into normal life. Every time I sit down to write a blog, I get antsy, lose all creative drive, and am at a loss of words as to how to explain the last two months. Those of you that know me well know that I am rarely at a loss for words. It seems that in the seasons that God is doing deep change in me, I retreat back into my head trying to sort out what in the world He is doing. For those around me, these seasons are never fun because I am usually in a mood. Hopefully my mood will not escape from my mind to my fingers as I type.

Do you know those moments when you hear a song, see a landscape, have a good conversation, where your heart feels as if it could not possibly be any fuller? Those moments that heaven and earth collide and you laugh in the middle of a store, cry at the most inopportune moment, and dance and hope that no one's watching? I find myself living for those moments, they are the things that bring me that unquenchable passion that no one would squelch. It's times like that where I feel as if God is actually holding my hand and laughing with me. It's those times that I catch a glimpse of what it means, in scripture, where it talks about Him delighting over me. And then reality hits through a ridiculous driver, an unexpected bill, a day where you feel like if you disappeared no one would notice. And then I'm reminded that when my world comes crashing down around me I have a choice, to be burdened or be free. It's never an easy choice, one that I will wrestle with for the rest of my life, but it's a choice nonetheless.

I have been living between these two worlds for the past two months, learning to find peace and solitude in the most loud, obscene, and dirty places. As you know, I packed up and headed to San Francisco, in June, to embark in a five week EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) school. It was five of the most incredibly challenging and amazing weeks of my life. I made it through many painfully long nights of studying, many long days of classroom time learning skills, human processes, ridiculously long words, how quickly I could bond with a group of random people, and saw how extremely fragile the human body is and how God truly holds our next breath in the palm of His hand.

Living in San Francisco itself was also incredibly different than anything I've ever experienced. I have only ever visited for short periods of time, so to call it home was a completely different feeling. I adapted quickly to walking everywhere, carrying pepper spray in my pocket, and finding the creativity of God in the diversity of His creation. Honestly, I loved it, it was hard to say goodbye.

There are a hundred different stories I could share about the school itself, but to spare my fingers and your brain I will only highlight a few. The first being that through my time on the streets of a big city, I began to realize that I have put God in yet another box. He has been showing me that missions is so different than the four walls I have placed it in. Missions conjures up visions of distant lands, naked people, and poorly dressed missionaries for more than just me I am sure. But what if missions was merely us bringing the kingdom to those around us no matter where we are? I don't need the fancy title of missionary to do that. I know, it sounds so basic, but God has been really rocking my world with this one lately, all because I took off my YWAM hat and traded it in for a navy blue uniform and stethoscope for five weeks.

As you can imagine, emergency medicine is a very personal field that brings you into peoples' homes when they didn't clean beforehand, it exposes skeletons in people's closets, you being the first spectator to their secrets, and it brings an extreme vulnerability, letting us see and hear things they would be mortified for anyone else to know. And when you can bring the peace and love of Christ with you as you walk in their door, really amazing things can happen.

During my school I had the chance to do shifts in both the hospital and on a fire truck and have continued to do more ride alongs since. Every time I am struck by how God can use me, a rather loud, opinionated, and paranoid girl, to bring His peace to those that are in some of their most fearful and painful moments. All I know is that it has nothing to do with me, it's all Him.

I suppose I should also tell you that I did complete the course, graduating as joint valedictorian (don't ask me how that happened, God totally deserves credit for that one), and am both a nationally and California state certified EMT. I even have an ambulance driver's license (yeah I know, scary).

So what does this all mean for me now? I am back in Pismo Beach with YWAM, still working with Project Sixty-One and RecueNet, also doing base related work. I am also working on getting a weekly volunteer opportunity set up with local ambulance company. This way I can keep my skills fresh and also be able to build relationships with people in the community. What does this mean for me in the future? Well, God is stirring some things in my heart that I am still praying about, more to come on that in the near future.

On another note, next month I will be spending about three weeks in Salem, Oregon with the RescueNet team. We will be heading up another disaster relief training course for those that are interested in joining the team. This will also serve as my completion of Phase II of my training, leaving me ready to serve on deployments starting in November. I have been asked to teach the medical portion of the course which will be about two days worth of teaching. I am really excited about this but nervous as this will be one of the longest teaching times I have ever been a part of. Also this will be my first time teaching on medical topics, so I would really appreciate your prayers while I am preparing. I will keep you updated on my progress as the course approaches and let you know more specifically how you can be praying for me during my actual teaching time.

Finally I wanted to thank those of you that helped send me to this EMT school, it was extremely valuable and life changing and I appreciate your investment in me. Also thanks to those of you that helped cover my hospital bill, it was covered in full and paid on time because of your promptness and willingness to give!

Hospital Bill

2011-06-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have both a quick prayer request and financial need to bring to you. I will get right to the point as to not waste your time reading some long explanation.

Last year in November I got a virus around my lungs called pleurisy. Basically it's where the lining that surrounds your lungs get inflamed. At the time I thought I had pneumonia and was having trouble breathing to I went in to the ER. Well of course they sent me on my way feeling better but with a hefty bill of $4000. As I don't have insurance, I applied for assistance with the hospital and they lowered my bill to $421.84.

I called again and told them that I couldn't afford to pay this amount still but the only thing they can do for me is to put me on a payment plan.

So I would like to ask you to help me cover this amount. Of course because it came at the time of me being away from home and at school it is another stress to add to my current worries. So if you would be able to help me financially for this I would really really appreciate it. To donate you can do the following:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & hospital bill

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" & hospital bill
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Thank you so much for your willingness to give!

The Time Has Come

2011-06-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

The time has finally come. On Monday I am boarding a train to San Francisco to embark on something I have always wanted to do but never thought would would happen. I am starting my EMT school and am excited and scared all at once. Please be keeping me in your prayers over the coming weeks.

The past three weeks have honestly been a nightmare, you know that feeling that you get when you can't reach the surface? Drowning, that's exactly what I feel like. I am overwhelmed with the prospect of this school, with my financial situation, and with my life in general. Thank goodness for family that is so loving and supportive, because without them, this would probably be the 1000th time I would have thrown in the towel and called it quits.

But then I am reminded that I don't have to stay in this place, that despair is a choice. I am in love with someone who is far greater at problem solving, mending hearts, restoring broken things, and providing than I ever could be. I can't believe someone loves me enough to wait patiently while I remember that He is the only one that could ever handle any of this anyways.

I have struggled with the fine line of brokenness. On one hand I think it's healthy to be broken because it's in my weakness that His strength comes, but on the other hand, wallowing in anything is not healthy. And so I walk the tight rope of the two, being comfortable walking through pain, but knowing when it's time to rejoice.

I love how people throughout the scripture would build an alter, not only was it a place of sacrifice to God but it was also a place of putting to death sin and shame and moving forward. I'm tired of looking back, so here in your presence I am building an alter. Moving forward and being free of the past.

Anatomy?...Yes Anatomy

2011-06-03T09:44:00.001-07:00

It is finally here, school that is. For months now I have been eagerly awaiting the start of my EMT Bootcamp in San Francisco and it is just around the corner starting on June 23. Let's just say I am a mixed bag of emotions, everything from incredibly excited and eager to learn all the way to stressed and frantic thinking about how much studying I will be doing in such a short period of time. I have had many a mental image of words going in one ear and out the other, simply because my brain is so full already.

It was recommend that I get the 1500 page textbook beforehand and read and take notes on it in it's entirety before the class begins. Why you may ask? Well because I am doing the bootcamp style of this class, so what you normally learn in a 16 week semester I am learning in five weeks. I will be in class from 8:30am-5:30pm Monday thru Thursday and will have the weekend to take tests, put in hours in the classroom logging skills practice time, and doing my hours required in the emergency room and ambulance.

But as I am a rather stubborn woman, the challenge brings excitement, and as I must remind myself, "I can do all things in Him." For those of you that are maybe just tuning in to my life. I am taking this course to help broaden my skills set for RescueNet, the international disaster relief team that I am a part of. The class will also give me more knowledge that will help me be able to facilitate medical outreaches through Project Sixty-One. So it is an investment into the ministry that I am doing both here at YWAM Pismo Beach and YWAM as a whole.

I am excited to report that the finances for the school and for my lodging at YWAM San Fran did come in but I will be living very tight while trying to manage my bills at home and in San Fran. If you would like to give a special gift that would help towards managing these bills, would you please do the following:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (ie. EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Also your prayers during the next couple of months would be greatly appreciated. I know that on my own strength this school is nearly impossible, but with reliance on God, is achievable!

In other news, my outreach to Guatemala was amazing! God taught me so much more about leading teams and a ton about what it looks like to facilitate a medical outreach. Let's just say my hat goes off to Bob & Linda Vomaske and their leadership during this outreach, because I can see just how big of an undertaking it was. Much much different than leading youth groups and young people, so it was a very valuable learning experience for me!

I ended up working in optical most of the time, bouncing in and out of dental when I had the chance. It was such a blessing to be able to help people see, some for the first time, clearly. My favorite story was this sweet old woman who needed glasses. So when the glasses were finished I put them on her face and she started grinning ear to ear. She told us that she hadn't been able to walk to church for some time because she couldn't see and now, with the help of her glasses, she would be able again.

Although we had many success stories, we also had an equal amount of tough encounters with people. They thought we were there to fix all their problems and it was hard to explain that due to lack of equipment or expertise we couldn't do anything for them. And so it was in these moments that my heart was broken for the nations again and I was back on my knees thanking God that He has blessed me with so much and asking how I can take what I have and go serve others.

In total the clinic was able to see 1150 people, which blows my mind. The church that I went with from Colorado has also invested ten years into this particular city in Guatemala. So they will be back yearly to do building projects as well as more medical clinics. It is cool to see the body of Christ commit to the nations in this way!

I want to share more about Guatemala, but as I am still processing the trip it is hard to put everything into words. So check back later for more stories!

I wanted to finish by saying a huge thanks to those of you that gave a special gift or gave a little extra in your monthly support to help me go to Guatemala and attend this EMT school. What a blessing to have a support team that is going with me on each and every outreach or school!

A Latin American Adventure

2011-05-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

From Pismo Beach to North Carolina to San Francisco to Las Vegas to Colorado to Los Amates, Guatemala. This has been my life for the past month and half, and frankly I can't complain one bit! So often I marvel at God's ability to set things up in a specific sequence, but He's God so I guess I should pick my jaw up off the floor.

I have been living out of a suitcase during this season which is kind of fun, the down side being that bags often get lost in the airport or you open up your bag to find your shampoo has poured all over your entire wardrobe for that week. But that's unimportant, what is important is the heart stuff. After the news I shared with you a few blogs back, God has been refining me. Believe me I have a long way to go, but I am learning more about the human condition, emotions, and relationships than I ever really wanted to. But because God is good, He has told me more than once lately, that it's all for a purpose. He is shaping me to be a solid friend to others that walk through the same heartache, and He is developing my character past my selfish, lazy, and prideful self. So the times that I come up for air in between these conferences and outreaches, I am reminded that I am not the driver and His plans for my life are pretty incredible.

I was blessed to be able to spend a week with my RescueNet family at our North American headquarters in Las Vegas. We had a good sized handful of us come from all over the US to join together in prayer and learning. It was a blast and a good time to get to know some people that I hadn't had a chance to before. I walked away knowing that God is using RescueNet not only in the YWAM community, but also in the professional disaster response community, which is a pretty incredible thing. I left Vegas with a renewed passion for RescueNet and an excitement for my next phase of certification which is helping staff the same training course I took last October. I will keep you posted on that as it is later this year in Salem, Oregon.

As many of you know, my next adventure happens tomorrow morning when I take off with members from Timberline Church, in Colorado, to go to Las Amates, Guatemala. I have had a chance to get to know these people over the past few days that I have been in Colorado and they are pretty incredible. We will be setting up a clinic in this village for the week where we will offer optic, dental, and triage. Not only will this be my first ever medically focused outreach, but part of the reason I am going is to learn how to set up, run, and lead this kind of outreach so that I can pursue medical missions with teams in the future with Project Sixty-One. I know God has some amazing things in store for this time and I am unbelievably excited to see Him blow me away!

I wanted to ask you all to be praying for me and the team while we are there. Please be praying for health, safety, good communication and bonding, a genuine love for the people of Guatemala, and that we would be a blessing to the community, bringing the love of Christ to the brokenhearted. I also have been asked to lead worship daily for the team and frankly I am terrified. My guitar playing isn't the most amazing thing at the moment, so please pray that God and the team would give me lots of grace and courage!

As soon as I get back I will write an update with stories and pictures, so stay posted for that!

Finally, I wanted to give you guys an update on the status of my EMT school. The finances have come in for the school portion, which includes all my equipment, books, tuition, etc. I am still in need of raising $500 to pay for my lodging which will be at the YWAM San Fran base. By staying there I save a ton of money. If you would like to donate towards this please follow the directions below. And I wanted to say a huge thanks to those of you that have given above what you normally give monthly and those of you that have given a special gift. It means so much to have your support and to know that you partnering with me in these things. The school is quickly approaching, I leave for San Fran on June 20th, so please be praying that I can continue to gain ground in studying the material before I go!

I gotta get running but I love you all and am so thankful to have you be a part of my life, even if you just read my crazy blogs! I consider that an investment in what I am doing, so thanks!

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (is. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Seasons of Learning

2011-04-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

I wanted to start out this blog by taking a picture of my face and posting it, because frankly I'm glowing. But I didn't. Now normally glowing women are associated with two things, pregnancy or becoming a bride. I will go ahead and burst your bubble, neither such things have occurred, one of which is probably a good thing! I am glowing simply because God is good and I am on a series of crazy adventures that are quite frankly rocking my world! I also have had many cups of coffee, so I am going to try and regain composure long enough to type something coherent! Here goes.

As you know I am right in the middle of several back-to-back conferences, outreaches, and trainings. Two weeks ago I was in Flat Rock, North Carolina at YWAM's North American Leader's Conference. I was incredibly blessed to be able to catch up with old friends from YWAM bases all over the US and Canada, but also to make new friends and connections. There were also two very renowned speakers that God used to speak to me in tremendous ways. I will get to that in a bit. As I went to the conference to help represent RescueNet, it was awesome just to be able to make connections with bases that have a heart for disaster relief and being God's hands and feet to the world in that arena. I was also able to go to a workshop regarding student mobilization and it was very insightful in regards to mobilizing college students into both short and long-term missions.

But I would like to share briefly about some of the things God put on my heart during the conference. One of the speakers talked about the macro aspects of missions and the other talked about the micro aspects. We broached subjects about our nation and our current economic and political standings and how that affects people all over the world hearing about Christ; but we also talked about the individual's story and the power of simply listening and hearing parts of people's lives they may have never shared before.

Because this conference was focused on leadership, I was also challenged in many areas of my own heart in that regard. I was convicted deeply about the fact that I am leading people and yet there are several areas of my heart and life that I am walking in blatant sin. Several times during the sessions, it took everything within me to sit in my seat and not run out to have a good cry in the bathroom. One night specifically I felt like God was speaking to my heart and saying, "It's time to stop running now, you need to face these things and deal with them. But don't worry, I am right here." So it was there that He began another painful and stretching work in me that still stings a little because I am taking baby steps as to not be overwhelmed. I could share for hours about this, but I will refrain as I have much more to share on other things!

Last week, Paula (a fellow staffer here) and myself took a group of 12-17 year olds to San Francisco on a week outreach. This is the second year this particular church has sent their youth with us to do this and so it was a joy to re-connect with students and leaders that came last year. Last year we only had five students, and this year we had 11, so that in itself was exciting. Lucky for us, YWAM San Francisco is located in a pretty rough part of the city which is great for ministry! It also immediately challenges the students to step outside of their comfort zone.

We focused on homeless and human trafficking ministry doing teachings and discussions about each and then getting out into the city to do some hands on things. The first evening upon their arrival I informed the students that we would be sleeping in our same clothes we had on, not brushing teeth, washing our face, or taking showers until the evening of the next day. We split into smaller groups and headed out into the city with yesterdays clothes on our back and no lunch. Some groups chose to stand in a food line with the homeless and get lunch that way, others chose to go hungry. Our little "homeless for a day" helped them spend a few short hours walking in the shoes of a homeless person, gaining a small perspective on what it's like for them to live this way day in and day out. We also handed out hot chocolate one evening, simply having conversations with the homeless and asking them if they needed prayer for anything. As the base sits in an area where many places for human trafficking sit fronting as "massage" parlors, we were able to go on a prayer walk around to each location and pray right out front. It was powerful but incredibly heavy. I could go on, but again we would be here all day.

God's goodness came and Paula and I saw God move in all 11 of their hearts. They learned new things, were stretched beyond what they knew to be comfortable, and walked away with a deeper hunger for God which of course always results in a deeper love for people. Of course it was nothing Paula and I did, we were just along for the ride, learning new things ourselves and blown away by a God that has something so special and unique for each and every one of us.

This outreach was so stretching for me because it had been planned months ago and planned to go very differently. But due to things changing at the beginning of this year, I was left thinking that I was not capable to lead this team alone. So luckily Paula volunteered herself, and I dove in, planning to the best of my ability. Of course, I should know by now not to expect anything less from God, but I was being my usual self, very untrusting in my Creator. He of course blew me away and it went better than anything I could have ever planned, simply because I was out of the way. I was desperate for Him to show up, and because I was desperate He did. My ego, plans, and controlling ways were not in the way, because I was desperate. I kind of picture Him sometimes with me in His lap, chuckling in my ear. I think sometimes I hear Him saying, "Oh daughter, if you would just let me do it more often, your life would be so much more exciting, adventuresome, passionate, and life changing than anything you have planned for yourself." All I know is He's right.

I know many of you were lifting up this outreach in prayer, so THANK YOU! Your prayers literally made all the difference in the world!

As you know, I am off to Las Vegas on Friday to meet up with all of the North American RescueNet members. We will be bonding, learning, praying, and planning together for all things RescueNet. I will write an update on that when I get home!

As I mentioned in my last blog, I am still needing to raise some finances for my EMT school. But the exciting news is that since my last update my Guatemala trip is completely paid for, and my EMT school is half paid for! So again you guys, thanks so much for those of you that gave. I hope your hearts feel tied to mine as I go do these things because I feel tied to you, you really are an incredible support team and I am so blessed by you!

Like I said, I still need $1550 to finish paying for my EMT school, would you pray about helping me financially for this? If so you can do the following:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (is. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

I wanted to finish out by sharing about something else God has been really stretching me in, forgiveness. In the past few months I have held onto a lot of anger and bitterness because of the things that happened earlier this year. It was in a time of reflection I felt God was bringing up several circumstances that have happened over the past couple of years that I have harbored these same feelings over people. That day my heart was incredibly heavy and I felt like I needed to go and ask a few people for forgiveness. Needless to say, after a little yelling and crying to God, I found myself doing just that, asking for forgiveness. Afterwards I think I was expecting some magical moment to occur where the whole world became right and all things were mended, but of course let's be realistic, my life is not a movie. I drove away disappointed and so I asked God what the purpose of all that was. I felt like He said it was one, for me to lay my unceasing pride to death once again, two, for me to release the other person from being the thing that consumed my thoughts, and three, to close up the foothold I had given the enemy into my life. Can I tell you something a little magical, sshh, it's a secret. Everyday since then, I have felt more free. It's a process, I have realized. Sometimes I have to tell God I need help laying down my anger again, but He always is there for me. I believe I can't walk in the fullness of what He has for me if I am bound in chains of un-forgievness. It's like trying to run through quicksand.

Moments of Forgiveness & Repentance

2011-04-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the YWAM base is San Francisco eagerly awaiting the arrival of the team of students. It is a typical rainy San Francisco day outside and I am reminded of God's goodness and peace in the midst of the chaos that surrounds the bases front door. As I have explained in posts past, the base here sits right in what is known as the Tenderloin district. For those of you that are familiar with this city, I am sure you can picture what I am talking about! To give the others a visual, you may see someone snorting cocaine off the ground, someone using a newspaper stand as a restroom and someone screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs all before the front door of the base has closed behind you. To say the least it is a very spiritually intense atmosphere. All of which leaves a dark sort of oppression hanging in the air.

Now I may be a little off kilter, but I find this an extremely incredible place to bring a group of young people. Talk about an eye opening experience to the realities of our world and how desperately the love of Christ needs to be brought to the broken. My goal is that these students leave with a deep desire to love the brokenhearted.

Would you be praying for us this week? We will be talking about the heavy topics of human trafficking as well as homeless ministry and we need lots of discernment and direction from God as to the hearts of each and every student.

Quickly, in other news, I just got back from Flat Rock, North Carolina where all of the North American YWAM bases gathered for a conference. It was an incredible time of reconnecting with old friends and making some new friends at various bases. We had two incredible speakers that really challenged me in many areas of my own walk with God as well as what it means to be in leadership.

I walked away feeling like forgiveness and repentance were huge themes that God was challenging me in. I want to share more about this with you and plan on doing so next week when I am back home from this outreach.

Finally, as many of you know I have the opportunity to go to Guatemala with Timberline Church in Colorado in a few weeks. This is a medical outreach that focuses on optometry, dental, and general healthcare. I have been so gracious allowed to not only be hands on with the outreach but also to "shadow" the doctors so that I can gain a better perspective of what it takes to facilitate a medical team overseas. As I have dreams of Project Sixty-One being able to lead medical outreaches in the future, I feel that this will be an incredible learning experience for me!

On a financial note, thanks to many of you, I have raised all of my finances for the Guatemala trip except $500. I am also in need of raising another $2750 for my EMT school that is quickly approaching!

If you would like to help support me in this way, I have put the directions below:

(All donations are tax deductible)

Online:
1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Click on the "Donate Now" button
3. Follow the directions & under "Specify Donation" put my name (Jacque Gowing) & what you would like your donation to go towards (ie. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)

Check:
1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank to receive a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to your check saying "Jacque Gowing" and the area you want your money designated (is. Guatemala Outreach or EMT School)
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

Thank You!!!

Intimacy

2011-03-03T23:45:00.001-08:00

Being completely honest, I have been putting this update off for weeks. I have been walking through one of the most difficult seasons that I have ever faced. On top of all that, I felt like God was using this circumstance to reveal and cut out some rotten roots that I have let eat at me for years. All that to say, I have been mulling over how to share some of these delicate and intimate struggles that I have been facing. So as usual, this is going to be a long one! Many decisions have been made in the past month that I thought I would never face, but here I am, alive and daily regaining more and more of my identity in Christ.

Normally I wouldn't choose to share what I am about to share over a blog because written words often fail to communicate the emotion and depth of the situation, but I feel like it's important so that you can understand where I am coming from. The short and simple version of the story is that Tyler broke up with me in January and also felt it was best to step down from Project Sixty-One. To put it simply, this caused me to need to re-evaluate a lot about myself and a lot about Project Sixty-One as a ministry.

Jumping ahead, God began to do something incredible and yet so extremely painful in me that at some points I have been literally crying out to Him to stop because I'm not sure if I can handle it. But I was, and still am, reminded of His grace and sweetness, giving me only what I am able to handle in the moment. Let me back up and say that for the past year I have been asking God to reveal more of His intimacy to me. As God is infinite in character I have always felt a little funny asking Him to reveal aspects of being a Lover to me. I think I had somehow talked myself into believing that it was a little obscene to ask God to be my Lover. As I am writing this, it's hard not to chuckle at myself because by putting up that barrier, I was missing out incredibly.

This intimacy with Him has caused me to feel like I am standing in a room full of people without any clothes on! It frankly is uncomfortable, it feels strange, and yet I know it's good because the peace and wholeness that I feel can only come from my Father. As we can relate with human relationships, intimacy causes your real self to be fully present. It is hard to hide behind things when someone knows everything about you. Of course God is God and has and always will know me better than I know myself, but my desire to know Him more has caused what I can only describe as this tangible tension. To put it in silly spiritual terms, I feel like I can actually feel my flesh fighting my spirit. To be honest I hate this because I want my whole heart to be God's. But here I am stuck in this fallen world where second by second I am faced with decisions that often prove me to be selfish, angry, stubborn, and prideful. Thank goodness that God is a God of second, third, and millionth tries!

All this warring within my heart and head has brought me to this place of surrender. I have been able to lay down some insecurities, some selfish desires, some mistakes, that I have been struggling with for years. God has shown me that some of my insecurities have made some deep roots. To find these roots I am having to revisit some really painful experiences that have happened years ago and are long over, so I thought. Being the good Lover that He is, God has held me close while I journey back into these dark places. The best part is, with every root I pull out, He replaces it with unconditional love and healing.

For the past six weeks I have been basking in God's love. I wish words could paint a better picture of where my heart is at, but I am full of joy that has been lacking in me for a long time. I have truly been able to understand that God doesn't care about how fancy the ministry I am doing is, He doesn't care about all the plans I have made for the year, He doesn't care about how many good deeds I have accomplished today, but what He does care about is me. Plain and simple God just wants to be in constant relationship with me. Of course He gets excited when I move forward in the giftings He has given me and He rejoices when I am able to share Him with others, but ultimately He just wants all of me wanting all of Him. If that is first, everything else works itself out because I have made Him first. I don't have to strive, I don't have to control, I don't have to have all the answers, because if my eyes are on Him that is the best place they can be. He can be in control, which He is far better at than I am anyway. I know this sounds so basic, but this is the first time I feel like I've grasped it. Believe me when I tell you that the joy and freedom I feel are so real to me, I am blown away by my Maker!

I have been spending some much needed time re-evaluating why I felt called to come on staff here with YWAM as well as why I felt led to start this Project Sixty-One ministry. I have let God show me the process He took me through to get me to this place and He has begun to show me that He has used all of these painful, heart wrenching experiences to show me His goodness, faithfulness, and love for me. Which brings a whole new light to the verse in Jeremiah that says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Although we make lots of plans for ourselves, God often has a way of stepping in and changing every single one of them! So I wanted to share some of the things that have changed. Forgive me as I transition into being a little more factual and informational.

As far as Project Sixty-One goes, I feel like God is still calling me to press on with this ministry. This is difficult after losing all the other staff that have been a part of it with me for the past year. But I know that God knows what He is doing, and if there is someone else that He has in mind to come alongside me and help, then He will send that person. So please be praying with me about this! I have been seeking God about the direction of the ministry as well, and feel like He has been showing me that I have limited myself by only doing the things I feel comfortable with. Therefore I am going to start stepping out in areas that I have a heart for but have always thought were too risky or that I was ill equipped to handle. One of these areas would be to lead medically focused outreaches. Of course these would not be in disaster situations, but would be focused on taking both medical professionals and everyday Joe's and setting up small clinics for a week or two. These clinics would focus on optometry, basic wound care, dental, vaccinations, and health teachings about preventing disease. This has been a lifelong dream of mine and so I am really excited to see what happens with it! I have been contacting some churches that I have personal relationships with to see if I can "shadow" them in their missions programs that focus on medical so that I can gain some field experience. As opportunities unfold with this, I will keep you guys posted.

My next piece of exciting news is in regards to RescueNet. As you know RescueNet is a ministry of YWAM which is a group of certified disaster relief first responders. I was able to be a part of the training course this past October in San Francisco which was phase one of three phases that I must complete to become a certified member. I am now onto phase two of becoming certified, which means that I will need to help staff the next training course which is this October in Salem, Oregon. The final phase is a deployment to an actual disaster where my skills and overall performance will be evaluated. Upon completion of all of these phases I will be certified! Being a part of RescueNet does not in any way replace or take away from my involvement with YWAM Pismo Beach. It simply is in addition to the work I already do here.

As you can see, there is a theme rolling through these things! God has given me a huge heart for missions and medical. Even as a little girl I always wanted to do these things in combination with one another. There is something about helping people in their most desperate situations; I believe it opens doors to share Christ with those that otherwise would be uninterested. It also is a tangible way to cross cultural barriers. It lets me use my hands and my skills to bring healing and love which often speaks louder than words.

This leads me to my next adventure! I have been praying about furthering my training in the medical arena so that I am more equipped in disaster relief as well as more equipped to lead medically focused outreaches with Project Sixty-One. I have been researching EMT schools in our local area to see if that would be a possibility. I have found one in San Francisco that is a bootcamp style. This means that what you would normally learn in a semester, you learn in five weeks! It is a highly intensive class that throws you into the material and then gives you hands on scenarios as well as ambulance and emergency room time. Upon passing the class you then take your national registry exam that certifies you in all 50 states! The class begins June 23 and ends August 3, so in the months to come I will be support raising for it as well as keeping you posted!

In the near future Project Sixty-One will be leading a team of 12-17 year olds on a outreach to San Francisco. We will be focusing on human trafficking and homeless ministry in the city. I am really excited about the outreach and know that God has some exciting things in store for these young people! Please be praying for this outreach, as I am the only staff member outside of their youth leaders, it is a lot of work to put together and takes a lot of energy to lead!

YWAM has a yearly conference for all of the North American bases to get together and worship, learn, and share what has been happening at each of our bases. This year the conference is in Flat Rock, North Carolina and RescueNet is wanting to have members there to share about what we do as a ministry. So I will be attending that and am excited to connect with other bases and learn all that God is doing throughout YWAM in North America!

Whew! That is a lot of news and insight into my life! Hopefully not all of it was boring! I wanted to finish with one last story. There is indeed a reason behind why I posted a picture of a rock in my hand! I had the chance to spend a weekend away with God. For those of you that are familiar with California, there is a little town called Mendocino up along the coast north of San Francisco. Lucky for me, there is a beautiful YWAM base there that has lots of cabins on it. As a part of their ministry they rent these cabins out for people to stay in. They have one cabin however, that is meant for prayer and fasting and is free to people who work in ministry, which is an awesome blessing. All this to say I packed up my little Saturn and headed the eight hours up the coast to this beautiful place.

There is a beach in this town that is known as Glass Rock Beach. The story behind this place is that several decades ago people dumped a bunch of garbage in the ocean, now I'm not talking about your normal garbage but more like whole entire cars were thrown into the ocean. After all these years of water pounding down on these cars and other huge objects, they have begun to fall apart. So all of this glass and metal is rubbing against each other, and rubbing against sand, and being pounded down by water. When it finally washes to shore, it is smooth and round like rocks. This beach is supposedly full of these rocks, but the bummer thing is that I looked and looked and couldn't find this beach. I was so bummed because I wanted to see this amazing phenomena. So I settled for the closest beach I could find and began trekking through all of these inlets; as the tide kept getting higher and higher, I realized if I didn't make my way back quickly I would soon be swimming! As I was jogging out, something caught my eye. It was this one small rock, clearly glass which edges had been rubbed smooth. I had this simple but awesome picture as soon as I picked it up and I knew that God had to be speaking to me. I felt the impression that the rock was a good representation of my life. Once jagged, sharp, and untouchable, God washed, cleaned, restored, and refined to make something beautiful of me. And for the first time I can say that I see that beauty. For as He promised, He always makes beauty out of ashes.

Refining Fire

2011-01-06T13:49:00.000-08:00

Hello from beautiful California,

After my Christmas break in Colorado and Minnesota I am finally back home. It was such a blessing to be able to see a few of you but I also find myself wishing that I could have seen many more. Drew, my brother, and I made the drive from Colorado to California on the 2nd and 3rd and although it was slushy in areas, the drive was a success. Thanks for your many prayers for safety over us in those few days!

It has been awhile since I have shared some things on my heart with all of you and as my heart is heavy this morning, I thought now was as good as ever.

It seems that the New Year is always paired with hopes for new and exciting things to come and resolutions to do things better. But as I look back on years past I see how that excitement begins to fade come February and those resolutions are forgotten. I know that goals are often made to lose weight, be a better person, pay off debt, etc. but what about those unspoken desires and dreams that we may never vocalize. I think of the hidden things that I usually don't say, things like hope that God would refine my character, that I would spend more time seeking His face, that I would love my family and friends less selfishly and with more abandon, and that I would learn what it would mean to be a true servant of a God that chooses to give me life day after day.

When we make these types of resolutions in our hearts I think the enemy goes to work to dash our hopes rather quickly. He knows that God desperately wants to be refining us more and more every day, making us more into His likeness. The enemy knows that the more we become like Christ, the harder he has to fight to destroy us.

I have been carrying a feeling of heaviness lately, that feeling that I am all alone and isolated. I know that these feelings don't come from the God who loves me with abandonment. They come from another source all together, one that longs to destroy my life. It seems like it's in these moments that I have lost all my energy to stand strong and fight. I would rather curl up in defeat than surround myself with the Word and prayer. But I know that is not what God is calling me to, He has equipped me with the armor, He has given me authority over evil, and when I am too tired to fight, He is fighting on my behalf. Recently I saw the third Chronicles of Narnia movie. At the end Lucy gives Aslan a huge embrace and she learns that although she won't return to Narnia, that Aslan is known by another name in her world. The reason she came to Narnia in the first place was so that she would "know" Him. I love this picture, to not just know about God but to "know" God deeply.

I think that when we pick ourselves up from whatever struggle we are facing and stand firm against the enemy, God simply takes care of us, because He has already conquered death. I think after each "battle" we walk through, big or small, we learn what it means to "know" God more intimately. He will replace our sorrows with joy and our mourning with gladness, I know this because He promised.

If I look at the New Year with this in mind, I know that through Him all things are possible.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

2010-12-28T14:47:00.000-08:00

Hello From the Great White North,

I am sitting in Tyler's family's home in Minnesota. We are all cozied up inside while the waves of Lake Superior splash up on the shore. It sure is beautiful here and I feel blessed to have been able to spend Christmas with both Tyler and I's families.

I feel the need to apologize for not writing an update in a couple of months, it has been a crazy time of moving, selling my car, buying a new car, my car getting hit, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, traveling, and family in between. So all that to say you may want to grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable cause you may be here for awhile!

As many of you know, this past October Tyler and I headed up to San Francisco for a YWAM disaster relief training school called RescueNet. This is a first responder YWAM team that is trained in medical, search and rescue, fire suppression, and trauma counseling. RescueNet is usually on the ground within 24-48 hours after a major scale disaster hits.

There are three steps to become certified under RescueNet. The first is that you must take the training school and pass. Tyler and I spent two weeks in San Fran participating in this course, learning all of the above topics and doing lots of scenarios to practice our new skills! We both passed the course taking us to step number two which is helping to teach the same course. We will be completing this step of our certification in October of 2011 in Salem, Oregon. The third step is to go on a deployment with the other certified RescueNet members. If I complete all of those things to the proper satisfaction then I will become certified under RescueNet and will be able to be a first responder on any disaster that RescueNet goes to. Participating in RescueNet will not replace my existing commitment with YWAM Pismo Beach but will be in addition to me being on staff there.

I was blessed with a new, to me, car thanks to my Grandma in November. My Dad helped me by purchasing the new car in Colorado. So I came out during my Thanksgiving break to bring my car home. While I was here, the car was hit in a parking lot when no one was around to see who was responsible. So I had to pay for a new bumper and rear quarter panel to fix it, luckily my Dad is quite the handyman and did all of the work himself, it turned out beautifully. Thanks Dad! I am driving the new car home in a few days, please be praying for good weather, safe driving, and no car problems as I drive home.

There are many things in store for the coming year and I am very excited to see all that God has in store! We have had quite a few teams interested in doing a Project Sixty-One outreach with us this coming summer. We also have had two teams sign up for April outreaches, one youth group wanting to do a San Francisco outreach, and the other, a church wanting to build a duplex in Haiti near Easter.

I will also be busy this year heading up the administration and fundraising and advertising departments for our base. I am responsible for buying all of our office supplies and decorating our office. I am also responsible for helping think up our base fundraising and advertising events for the year and then seeing them through.

I am also working on support raising these next few months, I have lost quite a few supporters this year due to the economy and other various circumstances. Please be praying that the Lord would provide for me in this area.

Wow! That was a lot of information in one go! Hopefully it all makes sense, but I would love to hear from each of you if you have any prayer requests or updates on your life. Talk to you again soon!

Love,

Jacque

I'm Moving!!!

2010-11-09T13:09:00.000-08:00

Hello Family & Friends,

I wanted to send out an emergency update to you regarding my finances. I will make this short and sweet and if you have any questions please feel free to call or email me at 970.310.0971 or Jacquelyngowing@gmail.com.

I am renting a house with three other girls that are also on staff here at YWAM. One of the girls recently left staff and so the three of us remaining have been under the burden of carrying an extra portion of rent. After praying for a few weeks we have felt that it is time to move. We have had a hard time house hunting because the two girls are from Sweden and England and so they have no credit history. Also because we are all young, landlords and rental companies have assumed that we could be the parting type that is irresponsible.

Basically it has all come down to one house, we are going to see it for the second time tomorrow and are really praying that God will speak to us if it is the right place to move. Would you please be praying for grace from the landlord. Pray that they are willing to have us there regardless of the fact that only one of us has credit history. Pray that they see past our age and are able to see our hearts and desire to treat the house with respect.

I also am in need of finances for the move. I have been in a really tight spot lately after losing several more of my monthly supporters and so all of the moving expenses are coming rather untimely. But good thing we serve a God bigger than money and landlords! I am in need of $500 for my part of the deposit and another $425 for the first month of rent. We are needing to move by November 30th so I am praying that this money will come in in the next week or two.

Would you please partner with me in prayer for this. And if it is on your heart to help me meet this goal financially that would be an incredible answer to prayer!

If you would like to donate by check:

1. Make your check payable to YWAM Pismo Beach
2. Leave the memo line blank for a tax deduction
3. Attach a sticky note to the check that says "Jacque Gowing"
4. Mail your check to:
YWAM Pismo Beach
791 Price St. #119
Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

If you would like to donate online:

1. Go to www.ywampismobeach.org/donate.html
2. Follow the directions and under "Specify Donation" put "Jacque Gowing"

I will let you guys know the progress of everything. Thank you in advance for your prayers and financial help, it truly is a huge blessing!

Love,

Jacque

Year of Jubilee

2010-09-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

I just recently got home from spending a few weeks in Ensenada & Tijuana, Mexico with the rest of the staff. Every other year we close down the base for a week and go on a staff outreach together. So this year we packed our bags and headed to Ensenada! We stayed at the YWAM base there and had a great time catching up with old YWAM friends, bonding as a staff, and loving on the people of Mexico.

God opened the doors for us to be able to head out to the red light district and talk with the men that go there night after night to get drunk and do drugs. We also got to spend a day at a women's rehab center painting, playing games with their children, and speaking to the women about God's love. We also spent several days helping YWAM Tijuana prep for YWAM's 50th year Jubilee conference.

It was an incredible trip and God really spoke to many of us and helped to give us more vision for our base for years to come.

This year YWAM is celebrating it's 50th year of existence. The founders, Loren and Darlene Cunningham, are in their 70's and are still working full force to see YWAM continue to be cutting edge and bringing God to as many as possible.

The very DNA of YWAM is incredible. I was so blessed to be able to spend time hearing stories of God's goodness over the past 50 years and how He has provided things so incredible that it is hard to explain. It was also amazing to see the vision that God has for this mission in the future. I walked away blessed knowing that God has given YWAM so much favor and influence and yet the humility of every base is almost tangible.

For me this time away was very refreshing and God has birthed some fresh vision in me for the future of my time here with YWAM and for Project Sixty-One as a ministry. I am excited to see where He leads me in this vision and excited to share it with all of you as things begin to unfold and develop!

New Beginnings

2010-09-16T13:58:00.001-07:00

This season has been one of the most difficult and yet one of the most amazing. I have experienced God and His intimacy in far greater ways than I ever have. I have been stretched to the point of breaking, but God has been there every step of the way shaping and refining my character. I have clung hard to Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and I will bring you back from captivity.'" I feel that God has brought me out of captivity, captivity being my selfishness, my pride, thinking that I have certain rights, my desire to have control over so many areas of my life, and the list goes on.

In this time that my heart has been so broken I have had to be so desperate for Him. I had to make a choice between choosing life and choosing death. And in this decision making process I realized that for so long I had been choosing death. I was conforming to the patterns of the world, telling God that I had things under control, that I could do things better, that my ways were higher. But in one moment where I felt that I had lost the thing that meant the most to me, I had a choice. God spoke so tenderly to me in that moment and told me that He was the God who created the mountains, the one that set the boundaries to the oceans, the one that commands the sky to open up and rain, the one that made the birds that fly and the lion majestic in his strength and power, the one who made me in my intricate design, the one that commands my lungs to continue breathing, the one that spoke my very life into existence and knows my days before they even happen. For the first time I understood what it means to fear the Lord. Not in the judgement or hell sense, but fear the being that holds me and you and the world in place, I caught a glimpse of His greatness, a glimpse of His majesty. I realized that if this God can love me despite my flaws and imperfections, than this God can also heal my broken heart. This God knows the rest of my days and has a plan and a purpose for them.

Why is it that the choice to hand my life back to Him, the life that was never mine to control in the first place, is a choice I am having to constantly make? I think it's hard because it means admitting that we need God so desperately, it means admitting that we have no real control over any circumstance in our lives, it means having incredible faith in an unseen God. If truly choosing God was a walk in the park, we wouldn't pursue any sort of love relationship with Him. We wouldn't understand our need for Him.

I have had to learn daily what it means to die to myself. Sometimes I feel prompted to ask God even about the ridiculous things like where I should eat lunch today. Now I know that God probably doesn't care all that much about where I eat lunch, but the fact that I am pursuing Him even in the small things is so pleasing to Him. I have come to this place that my hunger and need for Him is desperate, like a small child needs a parent. I have lived so much of my life thinking that I know better, but what if I were to let the God of the Universe direct my life? I can say with confidence that He has more in store for me than I ever could for myself.

If you have a few moments read Job chapters 38-42. Here we see God explain His majesty, He lets us know that we should revere Him. When I need a reminder that I am not the center of the universe I often read these chapters. At the same time I gain a whole new perspective of God's intimate love. Because knowing that the God that created the mountains and the seas is one thing, but believing that He did and believing that it is that same God that loves us deeply is something totally different. Know that He loves you today and that the King of Kings has a hope and a future for you.

Prayer Request

2010-07-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Friends,

I wanted to take a brief moment and update you on some recent news that has been very difficult for me. So please bear with me as this may come out rather jumbled. Before I begin I wanted to let you know the reason why I am choosing to share this with you is because I consider you guys to be like my family. I share a lot with you because you are important to me and so I want you to be a part of all aspects of my life.

About a week ago Tyler and I broke up. I wanted to share briefly with you the reasons behind this decision so that you can be lifting both of us up in prayer. God had been speaking to Tyler about our relationship and how we were relying on each other heavily for things like comfort, healing, acceptance, basically all the things that we should be seeking God to fulfill. We were replacing God with each other. Although God was speaking these things to him specifically I was also having some red flags come up. I began to realize the pressure we were putting on each other to fix some of the past struggles both of us have faced. Both of us ignored these things hoping that we could work through them and move on with our relationship. But God continued to lay them on Tyler's heart. He came to me about a week ago and shared them with me feeling like God was asking us to set our relationship aside and focus hard on Him letting Him be the one to fulfill our hearts and heal our hurts. This was an extremely hard decision and has been painfully difficult for both of us. But we are choosing to trust that God is good and knows what is best for us. He has our futures, hopes, and dreams in mind and although we don't know what the future holds, He does. So we are trusting in Him for our futures and are willing to do whatever he asks of us.

As far as Project Sixty-One goes, I believe for now that we both feel like it is the ministry God has called both of us to. Therefore we will continue to work together as friends until we feel God calls one or both of us on to something different. If you could be praying that this transition in our relationship goes smoothly and that we are able to truly seek God with all of our hearts during this season I would really appreciate it.

I am always amazed how even in the hardest moments of life I still feel the strength of God's presence. He truly is deeply in love with us, even in our tremendous imperfections.

Life, Haiti, & Everything In Between

2010-07-12T14:44:00.001-07:00

Hello Friends,

Well I hope you can forgive me because this blog post has been long overdue. Because of that I have a lot to say, so maybe pour yourself a cup of coffee because you may be here for awhile!

As many of you know my Grandpa Ray passed away in April. God provided a very cheap flight and I was able to go home for a week and spend time with him in his last days. I miss him dearly but I know he is with Jesus and who could ask to be in a better place. I know he was always proud of our family and how we loved God and others, but I think he would be even more impressed with us now as I feel the loss of him has brought us even closer together. It's funny how when someone passes you realize the true fragility of life. You understand that God is complete and utter control and as hard as we may try to fight the fact that our days are numbered, they are. I have been encouraged through all of this that I should give God thanks for every single day and make the most out of them. I know this sounds cliche, but truly every day is a gift. I hope that everyday I push myself more and more to be brave, share Christ's love, love those around me with reckless abandonment, and live a life with full of integrity and character that is pleasing to my Father.

On May 16 Tyler and I departed to Los Angeles to meet our first Project Sixty-One overseas outreach team. We only had a day of orientation and then jetted off to Haiti to get started. Our team of six was eager to jump into ministry and we did just that the following day. We spent our first week in Port-au-Prince, which is the capitol city and the location of the earthquake. The YWAM base there is just getting off the ground so they are renting out a building on an orphanage property. Many of the children at this orphanage are mentally or physically handicapped and often do not get adopted because of this. We enjoyed spending our free time playing basketball, soccer, and drawing with sidewalk chalk with the kids.

In Port-au-Prince we were able to help tear down a fallen church building, distribute buckets of food to tent/refugee cities, be a part of a huge worship service in a tent city of 11,000 people, and bless the base staff by helping clean, wash base vehicles, etc.

Our second week in Haiti we moved 60 miles north to a city called St. Marc, which is where Tyler, Will, and I stayed when we went to Haiti in January. This base has been running for over 20 years and has a huge presence in St. Marc and the surrounding cities. God has given them a ton of favor and responsibility since the earthquake hit and it is always a joy to see them taking huge leaps of faith and trusting God to move in this broken and hurting land.

In St. Marc we were able to bless the base by picking up trash and raking around the compound, spending an afternoon building relationships and loving on some of the local Haitian prostitutes, teaching short health seminars (hand washing, teeth brushing, food cleaning, etc.), teaching English, and helping a DTS team finish a house build.

Although Tyler and I were very excited to be back in Haiti doing ministry and catching up with the friends we made the last time, we were also very eager to see the things that God had in store for the team. Our whole vision of this Project Sixty-One ministry is that God would transform the lives of the team members; impacting their hearts for the Nations long-term and exposing more of His heart and love for them as individuals in the process. The most joyful part of the whole outreach was to see Him do just that. After it was all said and done we had one individual show interest in joining the long-term staff of YWAM Haiti and others who walked away feeling that God had spoke more to them about their futures and dreams. Overall it was a very eye opening experience for everyone, including Tyler and I, as it always is to be overseas and completely out of everything comfortable.

Although this first overseas outreach was no where near perfect, we learned more than we ever would have been able to than if it had been. I feel like God shed light to me in many ways that I can improve in areas of leadership. I feel like I have a better understanding of the grace, patience, compassion, servant leadership, and firmness that it often takes to make a good leader. I feel there will be always room to grow in all these areas.

As for the remainder of 2010, we have hit a few bumps in the road regarding some of the outreaches we had planned. We had to cancel our Thailand and September Haiti outreaches due to a lack of people signed up to go. We are bummed about not being able to go but know that God is in control. We are however still leading a local church to Haiti in November to build a house for a family in need which we are very excited about!

In other Project Sixty-One news, we have gained a third staff member. Paulina Gudmundsson, who is from Sweden. She did her DTS along with me in 2008 and joined staff at the same time as well. She has staffed two DTS schools and felt like God was calling her to join Tyler and I with Project Sixty-One. We are really excited to have her on board!

I wanted to share with you about an exciting school that I get to be a part of in October! YWAM has a ministry called RescueNet which is a disaster relief ministry. They are recognized by the United Nations and are often able to get into a country faster than the Red Cross in a disaster situation. RescueNet offers schools to YWAMer's to get training in their program so that if a disaster hits we have 24 hours to pray about whether we feel God is calling us to go and help and then another 24 hours to get to the country. Therefore, YWAMer's from all over the world will fly into that country and form a disaster relief team that will stay and help for a week or two. This school will equip me in search and rescue, emergency medicine, trauma counseling, fire suppression, and refugee reception. Tyler and I both felt the need to have more training after experiencing the disaster in Haiti. This school is only for two weeks and is part one of several parts to officially be certified under RescueNet. The dates of the school are October 10-23 and will be held in San Francisco.

Being certified under RescueNet will not replace anything we are doing with Project Sixty-One. We will continue to run that ministry full time and continue to lead teams overseas. If a disaster hits, this will be something Tyler and I choose to do as individuals with the RescueNet team. Both of us have always had huge hearts to help those who are in their greatest need, we have found that when people are the most vulnerable they are also the most open to hear and believe that Jesus loves them deeply and wants a relationship with them. We are excited to see where God takes us with this schooling!

The school costs $625 for books, fees, supplies, room & board, and transportation that I need to raise. If you would be willing to donate financially to help me cover this cost I would really appreciate it! You can donate online through PayPal or by mail. Please email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com for directions as to how to donate.

In other financial news I am still struggling with raising my monthly support. I currently have $1620.00 per month and am needing to raise it to $2819.25 per month to meet all of my monthly expenses and be able to put some money into savings for car repairs, medical, and outreach costs. If you could be praying with me that God would bring people to mind that I could ask to partner with me monthly and that God would continue to provide for this need I would really appreciate it!

I believe that is about all that is new here on my end! I hope you are doing well. If you have any prayer requests or thoughts please feel free to email me!

God Bless,
Jacque

Real Quick

2010-05-10T15:40:00.001-07:00

I just wrote a whole blog that was then deleted, so unfortunately this one will be much shorter and to the point. Oh technology!

Well I realized that it has been almost two months since my last update, which just goes to show that I have been out of my mind busy!

Tyler and I led our first Project Sixty-One outreach to San Francisco at the end of March. We took a group of 13-15 year olds that were part of a youth group from a city about 2 hours away from us. We had an incredible time and were able to do a variety of various ministries with them including everything from homeless ministry to human trafficking ministry.

It was an amazing outreach and as He usually does, God moved in a beautifully and perfectly timed way!

Tyler and I are on our way to Haiti on Sunday. It is our first overseas outreach with Project Sixty-One and are very excited to see the things that God has in store for our time there! Please be praying for our health, safety, open hearts, our team dynamics, and the refining and shaping of our hearts and character.

Sorry this is terribly short, I want to throw my computer out the window sometimes! I promise next blog will be much more insightful and detailed!

Spring Is Here

2010-03-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

Well spring is here and with it always comes lots of growth and exciting new happenings! God has been doing so many incredible things in my life personally. It is definitely a new season full of the richness and fullness of His presence and love. He has been speaking to me regarding my identity in Him and it has been a beautiful time of recognizing that I am deeply loved by my Creator. One of the key verses that has defined this season for me is in Isaiah 54, "For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is his name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife you married young, only to be rejected,' says your God. 'For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,' says the Lord your Redeemer." Coming out of a dry season, where I had to rely heavily on the knowledge that God is good and faithful, that is good news!

Yesterday, I watched the movie The Passion of the Christ with a few friends. I like to pull it out during the Easter season as a visible reminder of the awesomeness of the cross. I feel like every time I watch it I catch a glimpse of another characteristic of God. This time I connected more with the flash backs that Jesus has as a carpenter, preaching the Sermon on the Mount, His encounter with Mary Magdalene, etc. It was such a good reminder of the sweetness and yet fierceness of Jesus. Of course this is just a movie, but we can tell from Scripture that these are definitely parts of His character. It moved me to consider if I was moving in these ways in my own life. With the boldness and intensity of speaking the truth into people's lives regardless of the cost, but also having the love and sweetness that looks past people's faults and failures to love them so deeply. I can honestly say that I fail at this time and time again. My heart yearns to be more like Christ in this way. I wanted to share that with you so that you guys can take part in keeping me accountable in this area.

In other exciting news, I have a boyfriend! Many of you had the chance to meet Tyler Dean when we were out in Colorado a few weeks ago. We did our Discipleship Training School together in 2008 and have both been on staff at Pismo for the same amount of time. As many of you know, he joined as full time Project Sixty-One staff back in November of last year. He is incredible and it is such a joy to be dating my best friend! We took several weeks to pray over our relationship and felt like God was giving us the go ahead to start dating. So we are excited to see the things He has in store for us!

We are embarking on our first outreach in a week. On Monday we will be leading a team of ten to San Francisco for a 5 day outreach. We will be staying at the YWAM base there and will be focusing on homeless and human trafficking ministry. Please be praying for us that God really blesses this outreach, that these young people see God in a new and exciting way and come away knowing Him more intimately.

Immediately after returning from this outreach we have two families coming out to spend a few days in Pismo doing a mini outreach with us.

Also, Project Sixty-One will be heading up an outreach to Haiti on May 16 for a three week outreach. We will be based in Port-Au-Prince, sleeping in a tent city, focusing on medical and refugee ministry. So far we have a team of five and are so excited to see the things that God has in store for that time. Haiti is so ripe for Christ and we are walking into this time expecting to see God move in the lives of the people.

Normally the students participating in these outreaches will cover the cost of us as leaders, but due to the fact that our group is so small and we have two leaders going, it would be a large financial burden on them to have to cover our costs for this first Haiti trip. So I am needing to raise my own funds for this outreach which will cost $1600. If you would like to partner with me financially for this outreach, please email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com and I will give you directions as to how you can go about that.

You guys are amazing! Please let me know if you have any prayer requests, I want to be lifting you up in prayer as well!

Love, Jacque

2010-02-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,

I have some exciting new updates that I want to share with you! I will make this short and sweet so that you guys aren't bombarded.

As you guys know, I had to make a trip to the ER in October of this last year while I was in Colorado. Because I am no longer a resident there, they couldn't give me any state financial aid, so I had to apply for financial assistance. Well after many long months of my paperwork being under review, I finally heard back from the hospital. They decided to reduce my $3600 hospital bill to $250 in total! This was a tremendous blessing and miracle to be honest. It always amazes me that no matter how much I try and have control over every situation, that so often I don't have control, and God takes care of everything and blesses me in more ways than I can imagine. So all that to say be encouraged that God does not only care, but deeply desires for us to depend on Him for all things because He is a much better provider than we could ever be for ourselves!

It was so great to be able to see many of you this past week in Colorado. Tyler and I had a blast coming out and being able to share our hearts for Project Sixty-One and also about our time in Haiti. God opened up so many incredible doors for us and gave us tremendous favor while we were there! We have the opportunity to partner with Timberline Church in these Haiti outreaches and have many interested people hoping to come with us to impact Haiti! I just wanted to thank those of you that allowed us to come and speak or helped connect us with local pastors at your church, we had one or two speaking engagements every day which was incredible!

Tyler and I are in full swing with Project Sixty-One outreaches. We have our first youth group out in San Francisco at the end of March, followed by another youth group in Pismo, then our two outreaches to Haiti, and Thailand outreach. So all that to say we are crazy busy! But we are having so much fun and feel so honored that God is calling us to lead this ministry and really expose people to God's heart for the nations. Please be praying that we would have His extended grace over us mentally, emotionally, and physically we really need strength to be able to plan and lead these outreaches at full capacity.

Also I just wanted to share a little with you guys about where I am at financially. Because I have been going and going over the past few months I really let my support raising take a back seat. I recently sat down and calculated my support and realized I have lost over $500 in monthly support. For those of you that aren't familiar with how I make my income, I am a volunteer under YWAM Pismo Beach so that means that I am required to raise all of my own monthly support. We rent houses in the community and have all of the same bills to cover monthly just like most people do and so that requires that I raise around $1600 in monthly support. So I wanted to bring that forward to guys to pray about and see if God would lay it on your heart to become a monthly supporter. If this is something that you are interested in, please send me an email at jacque17lyn@aol.com or call my cell at 970-310-0971.

Thanks for your continued prayers, you guys are so important to me!

Love ya,

Jacque

Returning To Haiti/Project Sixty-One

2010-02-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,

I wanted to give you a bit of an update as to what God is doing with Project Sixty-One. It is exciting stuff and I feel like I barely have time to breathe but I enjoy being busy so I am not complaining!

God has used our Haiti outreach as a tremendous way to open doors. We have been asked by many churches, coffee shops, small groups, etc. to talk about our stories and testimonies from our time there. So I am excited to see God's redemptive power at work already for this broken nation, because we really feel that as we speak of His restoration for Haiti that we are breaking ground in the supernatural. As I have shared with you, Tyler and I will be heading to Colorado on Thursday to speak in several different churches, youth groups, and college groups. We are beyond excited to see God's hand move as we are able to share His heart for Haiti.

I am also excited to announce that Project Sixty-One has the awesome privilege of returning to Haiti two more times in the coming months! We will be taking teams from May 16-June 3 and September 9-19, if you are interested in coming or know of someone who would be please email me at project61@ywampismobeach.org. We will be pairing up with YWAM Haiti in St. Marc again and will be helping them in whatever ways they need us to. I am beyond excited to go back, my heart is so truly connected to the Haitian people.

We will also be going to Thailand from July 25-August 8 to take a team of hairstylists (& people with a heart for sex trafficking ministry) to teach human trafficking victims how to cut hair. If you or any one you know would be interested in coming with us on this outreach please email me at project61@ywampismobeach.org for more info.

And on top of all this we have two youth groups coming out in March to do local outreaches. So we are crazy busy planning, prepping, emailing, etc. for all of these teams. We are definitely having a blast though. God has been equipping me step-by-step for this crazy hectic lifestyle which is awesome, because without Him I would be spinning in circles.

If you could be praying for Tyler and I as we begin preparing for speaking while in Colorado, I would really appreciate it! We really want our time there to be completely Christ centered and led by the Holy Spirit. We also are praying that God can use this time to really ignite a passion in people for missions, especially the young people we are able to talk to. We also need lots of prayers for strength and energy as it is really emotionally hard to share these stories.

Thanks so much for your support. If you guys have any prayer requests or any new things going on in your lives, I want to know about it! Please feel free to email me and let me know!

Love ya,

Jacque

Stories from Haiti

2010-01-27T23:31:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,

I wish that I had magical fingers that could type a million words per minute, because my heart is to share literally every single moment of my time in Haiti with you. It was the most incredible and yet hard experience of my life. I still struggle with putting these stories into comprehensible words, so please bear with me as I try.

Before I begin I just want to remind you guys as well as myself that we serve an awesome God. It has been hard for me to not be angry at God for the horror that has happened to this Nation, but then I am reminded of His goodness and sweetness and how He can take a truly horrific situation and redeem it to be the most beautiful of situations. Jesus is going to restore Haiti. It is as plain as that, He has big plans for this place that has chosen to forsake Him for so long. Every time I intercede of for Haiti I get verse out of verse out of Isaiah, which is God calling His people back to Himself. One of the verses is, "For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is His name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife who married young, only to be rejected, says your God. 'For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. " Isaiah 54:5-7 That is powerful stuff and so I am deeply encouraged that Haiti will rise up as an awesome nation under God.

The following stories are things just random snapshots of our time, again I hope to share more, but may try to do that through a written newsletter or video blogs that I post on here. So here goes...

When we got to the YWAM base in St. Marc we jumped right into ministry. One of the biggest needs was the make-shift refugee camp that the base had set up in their outdoor arena. There were about 56 victims there lying side-by-side on straw mats. The situation was very crude due to the lack of supplies and resources available. Because most of these people are so severely injured they are not able to walk yet alone get up and go to the bathroom. So each person had their own bucket which was often filled with waste, vomit, or blood.

I have a huge heart for the medical aspects of things and although I have absolutely no training, the Haitian doctor at the facility was quickly referring to me as a nurse and was given me orders in Creole. All we had in terms of medical supplies was peroxide, iodine, and neosporin so we set to clean the deep cuts, third degree burns, and deep head wounds with these basic supplies.

One particular young boy, about 11 years old, had a horrible head wound. It was triangular in shape and was about three inches wide and deep enough we could touch our fingers to his skull. After cleaning out his wound, the doctor asked me to push on both sides of the wound in hopes that the skin would begin to repair itself as we tightly would it in gauze. As horrible as this sounds the thing that struck me the most was his bravery, he didn't shed a tear, as they say in Creole "Bon force" meaning "be strong," and that he was.

Please pray for this boy, that he would be able to get to a hospital and get the surgery he needs so that his head can properly heal. Also be praying that he stays free from any sort of infections or bacteria that may try and enter his body so that he can stay strong and healthy. Also pray that he will be able to tangibly feel God's love and peace resting upon him at all times.

There were 6 little orphan boys at the base that had severe wounds. They had been living in an orphanage in Port-Au-Prince when the earthquake struck, the quake destroyed the orphanage and killed most of the children living there but these six were able to escape.

One of these little boys, whose name is Mayclave, had been pronounced dead on site. The doctor took his pulse and found none, so Mayclave was put in a coffin and shipped off to the morgue to be buried with the rest of the dead. While the doctor was walking around the morgue he heard this faint knocking noise, he figured out that it was coming from the coffin so he quickly opened it up and found that Mayclave was still alive! So they brought him to the base to be cared for.

People at the base are prophetically speaking identity and destiny out over his life and are saying that Mayclave will be the next Haitian president, because clearly God has a purpose and a plan for this little guy's life. What an awesome God He is!

Another man that was mid-twenties told us that he also was pronounced dead by the doctors and loaded into a dump truck full of dead bodies being sent to the morgue. He said that he woke up and found these bodies stacked on top of him and began to frantically kick the side of the truck. He managed to unlatch the back gate and rolled out into the middle of the street, but he was too weak to move, so he just lay there in the middle of the road. Two days later a medical team came across his lifeless body and brought him to the base for recovery.

On our way out of Haiti we stopped at a pile of rubble that had been dumped there, as the people in Port are trying to clear out the rubble. We wanted to pick up some pieces that we could have as a reminder to be continuously be praying for Haiti. We were stopped in our tracks when we saw half a small body lying there in the pile of rubble. The small child had been crushed by the concrete that fell. Words cannot describe the extreme sadness and reality that hit me at that moment....Again I am rendered speechless...

Off in the distance we were also able to see the mounded dirt that marks the mass graves they are digging to bury the thousands.

I think I will stop here now as these stories are really hard for me to tell. I often am paralyzed by some pretty heavy emotions, but I am trying to see them as a blessing. Although my human emotions cannot begin to compare to the burden and loss that God is facing I am grateful to feel a sliver of His heart for Haiti. I know my life is forever changed and I hope that 30 years down the road I will still feel the urgency to lift the Haitians up in prayer.

Please continue to pray for these incredible people. God has a plan and a purpose for this nation and restoration is coming and already happening! Tyler and I are beginning to pray into outreaches that Project Sixty-One will be taking to Haiti over the coming year. So please be praying that we would hear the discerning voice of God and that we would be patient if He asks us to wait and ready if He asks us to go.

I hope to post, write, and do more video updates regarding our time in Haiti, because there is so much more to tell, so please keep checking for new blogs, emails, and Facebook updates.

Also check out these videos that YWAM Haiti has posted as they are powerful.

http://www.ywamhaiti.org/VideoGallery/Earthquake2010Updates/Earthquakeof2010/tabid/2236/Default.aspx

http://www.ywamhaiti.org/VideoGallery/Earthquake2010Updates/WednesdayUpdateJan20/tabid/2237/Default.aspx

http://www.ywamhaiti.org/VideoGallery/Earthquake2010Updates/ThursdayUpdateJan21/tabid/2204/Default.aspx

Love,

Jacque

Back in the Dominican Republic

2010-01-22T18:45:00.000-08:00

Hello friends!

This update is going to be very short because there is a long line behind the computer and its getting quite late.

Tyler, Will and myself left Haiti early this morning. It was heartbreaking for me to leave. I spent some time looking out into the arena where the refugees lay, praying that God's presence would be heavy upon them.

As a team last night, we debriefed our time. It was cool to hear each one of our perspectives of the things that God had done in and through us. As I was saying yesterday, this outreach has been life changing for me...one of those cornerstones that you look back on for a lifetime. I am very excited to see the doors that God will continue to open for Project Sixty-One and Haiti.

Tomorrow afternoon, we are heading back to California. Please be praying for safety and smooth travels. I just wanted to say again that I really appreciate your support, encouragement and prayers over this past week and a half. It was like I could tangibly feel your prayers throughout the day. God has big plans for this nation and I am very excited to see them unfold before our eyes.

In the next few days, I will be writing more stories, uploading pictures/videos and sharing more testimonies of the Haitian people. I will let you guys know when I post things on my blog or Facebook.

Love,
Jacque

Our Last Day In Haiti

2010-01-21T16:20:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,

I don't know where to start but that always seems to be the case lately. Today was an excellent day to say the least. We started out by preparing for 300 or so people to come thru the YWAM base. These people were all from Port au Prince, some injuried but most were those that had lost their homes and needed somewhere to stay. Will, Tyler, and I spent several hours registering these people into the computer database and creating idntification badges for each of them. We only had a few minutes with each person, but most were very sad, lacking all joy. I can't even begin to imagine the scheer trama they are feeling. My heart was broken again and again with every person we registered.

As we spent most of the day doing this, we finished up by saying our goodbyes to those we got close to in the clinic. As I sit here writing this I weep because Jesus has given me such an awesome burden for this nation. Honestly my heart would be to pack up and move here but I know I cannot abandon my responsibilities at home. Tyler and I will be spending a lot of time in prayer over the next few days just hearing God's heart for what He would have Project Sixty-One be doing in Haiti. If we have it our way we will be down here a lot more in the coming weeks, but we want God's blessing and wisdom before we jump in head first.

Tomorrow morning we head out at 5 a.m for the Haiti/DR boarder, which is about a three hour drive, and then will be picked up by the DR YWAM base and head the 5 more hours to the base there. We will spend the day catching up on rest and debriefing and then will head home to California on Saturday afternoon.

I just want to say that God is good, I am honored to serve such a mighty and awesome God and to see His hand in this large scale situation has been another one of those life changing cornerstones. I think a piece of my heart will always be in Haiti and that's the way I want it. I want my heart to be scattered amongst the Nations and my hands and feet to bring Christ's love with every step I walk.

You guys are incredible, your words of encouragement and prayers are straight from Heaven and they bring me so much joy. Thank you for being the mouth of Christ to me.

Love,
Jacque

Haiti: A Rough Day

2010-01-20T17:56:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,

I really think I could tangibly feel your prayers today so thank you for them. Honestly your prayers are so huge and mean so much to me and truly are a huge part in breaking through some tough spiritual things. Let me fill you in on today, there are many stories but I will just pick one or two because it is late and I need to head to bed.

We were woken up this morning to earthquake tremors. Supposedly it was rating at a 5.9 at the actual location but was much less up here in St. Marc. It only lasted a few seconds, but being my first earthquake experience, it was pretty scary and disorienting. It helped me have even more of a heart for the victims because it was a small, small taste of what they experienced. When the ground shook here, the victims that are receiving medical help here at the base started screaming and trying to run. Most of them have severe enough injuries that they shouldn't even be sitting yet alone running. They all are experiencing such fear and trauma that really needs to be lifted up in prayer so that they can receive emotional healing as well.

Come mid-afternoon I was feeling pretty sick, dizzy and nauseous, and so I forced myself to take a break and go lay down for a few hours. I opened up my Bible and was reading through some chapters in late Isaiah and was reading some awesome stuff about Israel and how God was calling His people back to Him. Of course my heart loves chapter 61, because it is what Project Sixty-One is based off of, but it talks about replacing beauty for ashes and gladness instead of mourning. Verse three ends with saying that the people will be called oaks of righteousness planted by the Lord for His splendor. The whole time I was thinking how beautiful it is that God is calling these Haitian people back to their first love, He wants them to be a people planted for the Lord's splendor. Let's keep praying for redemption and restoration in this time of incredible brokenness for this Nation. Jesus we invite you even now to come and do a supernatural work in this land.

By the late afternoon I was feeling much better and headed out to the make-shift clinic again to help out. We had spent the morning entering each person into a computer database and creating badges so that we can give the data to the Haitian government. After this we began helping the victims pack their things so that we could move them to a hospital. So we packed them into trucks and buses and took them about 70 miles to this place that was rather treacherous. Upon arriving we were told that the victims couldn't stay there, so we had to bring them all the way back to the base, driving along the bumpy roads, causing them more pain. It was sad and painful to watch, they have already suffered so much. We got back to the base and set up everyone again on their mats and tended to the new wounds caused by the journey.

So all in all it was a long and hard day. Tomorrow we are expecting about 300 more people to show up here from Port au Prince that we will badge and try and find shelter for. Please keep praying for us, the base, and the Haitians. We need strength, these people need strength, and the base here needs strength. Tomorrow is our last full day here and we want to be able to serve at full capacity.

Until tomorrow God Bless,
Jacque

Update from Haiti

2010-01-19T17:08:00.000-08:00

Hey Friends,
First of all I just want to say thank you so much for your prayers. I have gotten so many emails from you guys and it so blesses my heart! I wanted to give you another update, so much is happening day-to-day that I want to share as much with you daily as possible so that I don't leave anything out.
Yesterday we spent all day traveling from the Domincan Republic to Haiti. We left the DR base at 3 am and rode on a bus for 5 hours to the border. God blessed us tremendously at the boarder and we happened to be there at the same time that a World Vision caravan was passing through. So they allowed us to go straight in. We had a police escort the whole way into Port au Prince because of the dangers. In the small towns before the Port we began to see the destruction of buildings. But when we entered Port au Prince words cannot describe the true intensity of the situation. Huge buildings were crushed, cars were smashed to street level, rubble covered the streets, huge refugee camps were set up in the middle of the city for the homeless and injured, and there were signs painted on demolished homes that said things like "Many dead, please help." We were told that we didn't even drive through the bad part of town, so it is beyond my comprehension that things could be even worse. As I sat in the van I wept, it was all I could manage to do because of the horrific scenes around us. My heart was yearning in a desperate way to share the hope and love of Jesus with these completely broken people. We were able to capture some of it on video and camera and so as soon as I get back to the States I will post those so that you can see a small part of the devastation.
After driving through Port au Prince we drove another hour and a half to a town called St. Marc. St Marc was relatively untouched by the earthquake and so we headed to the large YWAM base that they have here. Because of their large facility they are able to house about 50 victims. Due to the Port being so unsafe many are fleeing up here to find food and shelter. Today we had two very important jobs, one of which was to gut and sanitize a building that was given to the base here, so that they can use it as a hospital. Once this is done they will transport the 50 victims there and be able to take even more. The other task was to go around to the victims and care for their wounds and pray for them. I spent the day washing out severe abrasions, burns, and head wounds, also healping wrap broken bones. Most of the victims here are women and children. These are some of the bravest people I have come across because we were treating them with no painkillers due to the lack of supplies. Jesus was so present though in the midst of the pain and we were able to speak healing and restoration over these broken people.
We will be doing these same types of things over the next two days and on Friday will make the long journey back to the Dominican so that we can fly home on Saturday. We have already been talking about bringing a team back in a few weeks and so please be praying that God continues to provide the finances and resources for this.
Also please pray for our continued safety, health, and strength. We are working long and hard days and our bodies are tired but God has given us incredible grace and we are able to push through. Also malaria, H1N1, and other diseases are very prevelant due to all of the injuries these people have suffered so please pray for protection over our bodies. I just wanted to end and say that God is good, admist all the choas, brokeness, and hurt, He is still good. He loves these people so much and has such a desire to see this Nation be restored under His name. Please pray that that more of His presence would come and dwell in this place, that these people would see supernatural healing and provision come to them, and that ultimately His name would be glorified. You guys are awesome prayer warriors. Thank you so incredibly much!
God Bless, Jacque

Answers to Prayer

2009-11-23T10:48:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends! I have awesome news to share with you so I am going to dive right in! As I mentioned a few updates back, God has been speaking some awesome things over Project 61. It has truly been a year of deepening the roots of the ministry and letting God water and prep the ground for good solid growth. The thing that often amazes me is how whenever I think that I am off on some new adventure in ministry, God often does a greater work in me first so that I am equipped to handle what he asks me to do. This has most definitely been a season of equipping for me, also a season of trust knowing that God is faithful to provide everything that I need.

As many of you know, this past year I have brought my pioneering woes before you and shared some of the biggest hardships and joys that Project 61 has brought. God has spoken things over this ministry from day one and there have been times that I have had to cling tight to those promises knowing that even in the darkest moments he was shaping something beautiful to be revealed in his perfect timing.

One of the things that I have been praying for since before I was even on staff is that God would provide a team of people for Project 61, not just a ministry being led by me. A few weeks ago that prayer was answered! One of the current YWAM Pismo staff approached me, letting me know that he had been praying about being a part of the Project 61 team. So after lots of thought and prayer and seeking advice, it seemed like the perfect fit! So I would like to introduce him to you, hopefully soon we can put a video post up so you can see us and hear our hearts in an audible way, but for now I will just tell you a little about him. His name is Tyler Dean, he is originally from Minnesota, and we came on staff at the same time last year after doing our Discipleship Training School together. As we are just beginning to work together, it has been an awesome time of bouncing ideas around and sharing our desires to see people really impacted by short term missions and the Nations.

I want to give you a taste of what's in store for 2010. Next year will be our launching year, so to speak, and so we will be going at this full force. The first few months of the year will be spent advertising. We really want to get the word out there, so we will be speaking at as many churches, youth groups, businesses, etc. that will let us in their doors! We want to share our hearts and also re-spark that longing for adventure and passion that God has placed in each one of us.

The summer season will be set aside solely for outreaches. We have been praying over the locations that God had originally placed on my heart and see some other doors are opening up as well. So some of those locations are looking like they may be to Nicaragua, Thailand, Uganda, and Australia. I will continue to fill you in on them as we set them in stone here in the next few weeks.

Our fall season will then be filled with planning for 2011 and doing more speaking in churches hopefully along a larger part of the west coast. So as you can see it is a full year and knowing God I am fully aware that these plans may be blown out of the water and turn into something completely different, I am just honored to be part of his adventure!

I have some new prayer requests that you guys can be lifting up as well during this time. There has been so much spiritual opposition over this past year and I have no doubt that it is the enemy trying to make the bottom fall out of all this. Although it would be great to think that it may get a little easier, I am prepared for things to get increasing more difficult over the coming months; but I see this as something to take joy in because it means that we will be walking in obedience to God which always causes spiritual opposition. All that to say if you could be lifting up things like my health, safety, and finances as well as the simple things such as that my car would remain functioning, I would really appreciate it. I also am in need of lots of direction and wisdom for Project 61 as well as that God would continue to impart leadership, teaching, and discipleship to me.

You guys are beyond awesome and I am so grateful to have such a beautifully strong support system. If you have any questions or comments or any prayer requests please send them my way!

In Need of your Help

2009-11-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, I have had some struggles hit me recently and so I just want to take some time and share them with you. There is major power that comes when we surround each other in prayer and so I would really appreciate your prayers in these areas over the coming weeks.

I had the opportunity to visit home to surprise my family and spend a quick couple of weeks with them this last month. While I was home I had a rather unfortunate health thing hit me and had to go into the emergency room because of the intense pain it was causing. The past few months I have been going to the doctor for various tests trying to track down the cause of the pain I seem to be in and they narrowed it down to a possibility of kidney stones, ovarian cysts, or ovarian cancer. Thankfully they ruled out the cancer and told me that unless I wanted some very expensive tests done that I should just assume the pain was a cyst. So after being pain free for a few weeks it came as a shock to me that I would wind up in the hospital. While I was there they did an ultrasound of everything from my heart to my appendix to my ovaries and decided that it was most likely just another kidney stone.

I was also tested for some food sensitivities and found out that I have high sensitivities to wheat, anything corn related, and dairy. So as I have drastically changed my diet I am beginning to slowly but surely feel better again.

I know that many of you have been praying for me for several months regarding my health and I truly appreciate this, I know that it is because of your prayers that I have seen breakthrough in my health, so thank you!

I have another prayer request that has recently come up regarding finances. Because health insurance is so costly I have not been able to afford it, and so when I made the trip to the hospital while in Colorado, they told me that I couldn't apply for the state's financial assistance programs due to the fact that I am no longer a Colorado resident. When I received all of my various hospital bills they came to a total of $2664.45. On top of which my car recently needed some unexpected maintenance costing another $370. I do set aside money each month for emergencies but it is no where near enough to cover these huge costs. I am currently applying for various other financial assistance programs for the hospital bills, and hope to see the bill be reduced. But after a lot of prayer I felt God ask me to bring this before you guys, my family and friends, and ask that you pray about giving a one time financial gift to help me cover these costs. I know this is a huge thing to ask of you guys especially in this time of tough economy where I know that many of you are struggling financially as well. But any amount is helpful, so if you feel led to give would you send me an email at Jacque17lyn@aol.com and let me know.

If you would like to mail a check please do the following:

1. Make it payable to YWAM Pismo Beach

2. Attach a note saying it is for Jacque Gowing

3. Mail it to: YWAM Pismo Beach

791 Price St. #119

Pismo Beach, CA. 93449

I will continue to keep you posted letting you know if my hospital bills get reduced as well as give you updates on my financial status as money comes in. If you guys could continue to keep this in your prayers that would be great as well, it is cool to see what happens when we rally around one another in prayer and so I am excited to pray and contest for a financial miracle with you guys! If you have any questions please feel free to call or email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com or 970-310-0971.

Love ya,

Jacque

Visit to YWAM Richmond

2009-11-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

As some of you know, I headed straight from Colorado to Richmond, Virginia to not only visit my friends and fellow staff members, Brandon and Kirsten, but to experience a little bit of another YWAM base. It was a great trip, very relaxing and refreshing. I was only there for a few days but as you know God can accomplish a great amount of things in just one day!

Richmond currently has a Discipleship Training School running and so I was able to sit in on a few of their lectures. One of the speakers, Troy Sherman, also spoke on my DTS about Identity and Destiny, but God used him to speak to me in a new and different way this go around. I won't go into too many details, but God really spoke some encouraging things regarding Project 61 over me as well as taking me back to the roots of why He first called me to missions.

I also was given an hour to talk with the DTS students about life after their school. It was very cool how the Spirit led everything from that week's topic to tie into talking about the student's futures. Because every base runs differently and has different ministry opportunities; I was able to share with them how we are structured and the various ministries that YWAM Pismo offers. I also shared with them my heart and passion for short term missions and how God has brought forth Project 61 from that passion. There were a few students that asked lots of questions and showed some definite interest in coming on staff after their school is over; so please be praying with me that those who feel that they have been called to long term missions would really let God begin to prepare their hearts, finances, and families for this change. I will keep you guys updated as well and let you know as God begins to bring people on staff that have a heart to join forces with me and the Project 61 ministry.

New Happenings

2009-10-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

I hope this fall season is treating you well! I love the changes in colors and the crisper colder weather that comes with this season! Well I have lots to get to so I am going to jump right in. As many of you know I am here in Fort Collins, I was browsing through flights one day a few months back and found an absurdly cheap ticket, so I jumped on it and was delighted to see that the cheapest dates happened to fall close to my Mom's birthday. So I decided that it would be fun to surprise both my parents, they were both shocked and I had tons of fun planning and scheming all of the fun surprises!

In a few days I will be heading straight from Denver to Richmond, Virginia. There is another YWAM base there and some of our Pismo Beach staff have been living there for a few months helping staff one of Richmond's schools. So I will be doing a pastoral/encouragement visit, as well as be able to have an opportunity to share with their Discipleship Training School, DTS, about Project 61 and the opportunity for them to come and staff in Pismo if they feel God leading them into long-term missions with YWAM. This will be my first time recruiting and so I am nervous to say the least but I am praying that God will give me the words to say and that I will really be able to share from the heart. So if you think of it please keep me in your prayers over the next week! Richmond also offers lots of urban ministry, which opens up potential opportunities for me to bring an outreach team in the future, so I will be scoping out the various ministries they offer there as well.

I want to share a story with you about a recent community outreach that our staff did together. As I have shared, we as a base spend every Thursday afternoon doing outreach in our community. It often looks different every week, but we go out with the same passion and purpose each time. Our desire is that we would build more and more relationships with people in our community simply sharing the love of Christ with them. The Pismo area is a very wealthy and affluent area and we often find that people are very complacent and un-interested in God there. So unlike somewhere overseas, where you can walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation about God, here we have to be a little more creative to get people's attention. So a few weeks ago, we made a sign that talked about Jesus washing his disciples feet and set up shop with our towels, buckets of water, and soap right near the pier. As people walked past us we simply asked if we could wash their feet. As you can imagine we got lots of weird looks and a few offensive responses but some were generally curious. So, we were able to explain that we are just a bunch of young people that love God and love people and want to bless and pray for people as we wash their feet, simply humbling ourselves to serve God's people. We were surprised at how many people let us wash their feet after we explained why we were out there and people walked away rather blown away and I believe rather blessed.

As I am sure you can imagine this was not the most comfortable thing in the world for any of of us to do, I honestly felt really foolish at first and after several people asked us if we had some sort of weird foot fetish, I was ready to throw in the towel. But as the time progressed and we shared our hearts, I began to see that God was teaching me just as much as those that wanted to know what we were doing. During our time out there, He rather sweetly reminded me that so often I place myself above others, I often catch myself thinking that I have it all together and know what I am doing. But by this physical act of washing feet, I was reminded that I am just as much of a sinner and just as broken as everyone else, but it is through Him that I have been saved by grace. It was like a beautiful picture of the broken serving the broken, being humbled before one another, laying down our rights and saying God loves you to someone. Whenever Scripture talks about people washing each others' feet, I see it as symbolic, not only of being humble before another, but as symbolic of washing off all of the crap that is on that person's feet, all that they have accumulated over their journey. It's kind of beautiful to think that Jesus wants to wash the hardships of our life journey off of our feet, and so I believe as his disciples, we are called to both metaphorically and sometimes physically wash the feet of others.

Well, I will end this post with some prayer requests, hopefully in the next few days I can write another one and share with you the exciting new developments of Project 61! But if you could lift up the following in prayer, I would really appreciate it:

I spent a day in the ER while I was home and because I do not have insurance and am no longer a Colorado resident, I will have to pay the bill out of pocket. I am relying on God to provide the finances because I do not have them. If He lays it on your heart to help me financially with this, please email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com and I will let you know to go about that, but I also really appreciate your prayers as well.
I recently have undergone several health related tests trying to figure out what is causing some of the problems I have been experiencing. I still am not 100% sure but think that I had an ovarian cyst and recently have been suffering from kidney stones again, so please pray that I would be healed completely from these things and that I would not suffer pain from them anymore.
That God would continue to give me wisdom and discernment about Project 61's 2010 outreaches.
That God would bring the right people for each outreach and that we would really be a team focused on impacting the world for God's Kingdom.

Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement! Please feel free to email or call me with any prayer requests you may have or just to let me know what is happening in your life. I love to hear from you guys!

Seasons

2009-09-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like God is really growing and stretching me lately. I often look at it as a burden because as we all know, growth is painful. It causes "normal" life to be disrupted, it takes every comfortable thing and shatters it to pieces. On the other hand, being comfortable is not all its cracked up to be; don't get me wrong, I know we all appreciate having three meals a day and a warm bed to sleep in at night, but often comfort leads to complacency. I know from experience that the times in my life where I have been most complacent are some of the most dark and distant times in my life, it is in those times I feel most alone, most fearful, most distant from my Creator.

Lately I have been reading out of 1 Corinthians 3, it is a truly beautiful chapter that is all about giving the glory to God, recognizing that the things we try and accomplish on our own strength are foolish, but by humbling ourselves God desires to use us in our weakness. How countercultural is that concept?! We have been taught by the world that we must prove ourselves, that we must have the best job, the newest gadgets, that we should be full of pride and boast about the things we have. When really, God owns it all, he says when things start and stop, and he has numbered our days. That in itself is humbling to me, to think that although I claim to have control over my circumstances, I have control over nothing. This has brought me to my knees on more than one occasion and is something my flesh fights every single moment; I have to continuously lay this before God and ask for forgiveness. Although our world looks at humbleness with scorn, I can honestly say that it takes more courage and strength to be humble than it does to be prideful. So I am learning to find joy in the stretching because it really is the process that is most beautiful and not always about the result. If we, as Christ's people, can walk humbly we will be the most beautiful and useful tools for sharing the love of Christ with others. It will not be easy, on the contrary it will be difficult, stretching, and will take a tremendous amount of courage but how beautiful will it be to able to go before our Creator, stripped of our pride and tell him that we need him, so that he can tell us that he has chose us.

I have been in this season that is full of choices, everything from Project 61, to relationships, to future dreams and plans. It has been overwhelming to say the least, but has forced me to wait upon the Lord and seek his direction for everything. I often find that every season I go through teaches me something new and distinctly different about God's character, this season has been a different and rather vast aspect of God. He has been showing me that he is truly good. The simplicity of that seems rather ironic because it is something that has been a struggle for me to get a grasp on. Being a part of a fallen world, I find it easy to see the bad in everything. But everything about Christ is pure and good, I love when God is talking to Moses and he says "I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites.'I AM has sent me to you.'" How amazing is it to know that God is love, God is pure, God is good. His character knows nothing evil or sinful or fallen. When I am able to see him in this light it changes absolutely everything, and creates this hunger in me for a deep intimacy with him.

Well I feel like I have rather rambled on but sometimes I get these glimpses of him that are hard to put into words, but I want to try because they are so encouraging and life changing. I am sure that he is doing some awesome things in you and I want to hear about them so please post comments or email me. I love hearing what God is doing in you guys because it is so unique and individual to our characters but also can be used to teach and encourage each other!

Hannah

2009-08-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Friends,

It has been awhile! I have been reading over some of the previous posts and realized that I often share a lot of the big picture news with you guys and leave out the day-to-day stories. So I would like to be better about doing that! Because really the day-to-day is what it is all about anyways. I know that I often spend most of my days trying to take steps closer to the "big picture" plan or idea that I am working on, and forget that God has plans for me today. I think that if I can learn to be happy with what today has in store, that I will feel less like I need to keep striving so hard for tomorrow. Cause really tomorrow is out of my hands anyway!

So here is a cool story, it happened a month or so back, but it is one that sticks with me. As a staff, we were out for our weekly time of evangelizing and building relationships with those in our community, when Steph (a staff member) and I came across Hannah. Hannah was standing on the street corner with her dog and her backpack, and we were able to tell instantly that she was homeless. Steph and I both realized that she did not have shoes, so we introduced ourselves and told her that we would really like to buy her some shoes. So low and behold we happened to be directly across the street from a Ross store. So we asked Hannah to come with us and let her pick out some new shoes, socks, and pants. Although those were very physical needs that she needed met, I think what was more valuable was the time that we were able to spend talking with her. She shared that people usually treated her like scum, she said that people would walk past her and make cutting remarks, like "Go get a job," and "Wow did you see how dirty that girl was?" We were able to tell her that God loves her very much and that He values her from the core of who she is. This affected her in a remarkable way and we were able to leave her with prayer and a Bible.

Words cannot express what I felt in these moments with Hannah; I so often claim to be too afraid to share with people how God has changed me and that he can do the same for them. I wonder how that makes him feel, that I am too selfish to share about the one who has transformed me. But it was in those moments with Hannah, that God shed light on the condition of my heart once again. I realized that it doesn't take a lofty speech, or well developed thoughts in theology, or a forced and awkward approach to share Jesus with someone; what it does take, is a little compassion and the desire to simply let someone else know that they are loved truly and deeply.

I doubt I will ever see Hannah again in this life, but I pray for her often and hope that we can praise our Maker together one day in Heaven.

Please pray for Hannah that she would come to know Jesus fully, that she would be safe, and that God would place people in her life that can help her get off the streets.

2009-07-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to tell you, but I wanted to start by sharing some things God has been doing in my life these past few weeks. I believe that God often takes us through seasons in our relationship with Him, some very joyful and some that feel really hopeless. I am talking about those times when you feel like you have hit rock bottom spiritually. Those times when you are so desperately searching for God’s presence, but can’t seem to find it anywhere. Those hours that you spend angry, hurt, wondering why it is that you feel so abandoned by the One who promised to never abandon us. That is where I have been the past few weeks, and I have had some words spoken to me and things revealed that I would like to pass along to you.

The first is something that I personally struggle with a lot; that is trying to take control of every thing, everybody, and every situation. Sometimes this cancerous sin gets the better of me and I find myself lost in it. I forget to put my trust in the One who is far better at seeing the future and really outdoes me in the whole provision thing. So of course, if I am choosing to make my relationship with God all about me, then it is bound to lose some of its intimacy. I am bound to feel abandoned, lonely, and angry because I am not really able to provide for myself like God can.

When we are weak He is strong. I am often reminded of Moses and his speech impediment, and the disciples just mere fishermen, uneducated and some very young. Sometimes I feel a little like David, I come before the Lord whining way more often than I go to Him in reverence of who He is. But it is in these times of our human weakness that God often does huge things because then He gets the glory. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I don’t really have an answer as to why these seasons happen, but I do have a hunch, it is in the hard seasons that it is all about making choices. Do I choose to throw in the towel, move on, or do I seek deeper, do I cry out more, do I admit that I need God so desperately. I think that when we come out on the other side of the valley, we have learned things, let some of our flesh die so that we can be more like Christ, we come out more refined by the fire. I know that I have come too far to quit now; I desire to look more like a diamond than I do a lump of coal.

I have been reading a book called “The Emotionally Healthy Church” by Peter Scazzero (I highly recommend this by the way)! There is a quote in there based off of 2 Cor. 5:21 it says, “The Gospel says that you are more sinful and flawed than you ever dared believe, yet you are more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope because Jesus lived and died in your place. A great exchange takes place when we place our trust and faith in Jesus Christ. ‘God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God.’”

On another note I have officially moved into a new place! Yey! Because we gained a fourth roommate we were in need of finding a new place, so we began the tedious process of looking and managed to find “the one” only on our second day of showings! God’s hand was all over the whole thing because the landlord normally only lets two tenants live here, but changed his mind for us, also choosing not to raise the rent! I will be making a video soon so that you can have the grand tour of the place and get an idea of what everything looks like, make sure to check it out on Facebook.

I am not sure if I mentioned this in the last update, but my ministry has a name! It is called Project 61, based off of Isaiah 61. Things are slowly progressing, I am learning the number of hours it takes to create a website as well as trying to be more aware of advertising tactics so that I can distribute information as most effectively as possible to the community and other areas regarding Project 61. Your continued prayers in this area would be greatly appreciated; I am always in need of more guidance and wisdom from the Lord regarding my next steps forward.

Well that is all for now; please email me if you have any questions, comments, or prayer requests. I appreciate all of you!

God Bless,

Jacque

Trusting in Him

2009-07-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

Trust. Something much easier said than done. It has donned on me recently that trust is something rather intimate, it means that you are willing to give others the control to build you up or tear you down. It means that you are willing to abide in that person, willing to follow them in decision making, and put faith in them.

When I really think through this I realize that I do not easily trust, I am afraid to let the walls fall down, I am afraid to get hurt. God has been challenging me a lot in this area, He is my Creator, He knows my deepest most intimate thoughts and desires, He knows my triumphs and failures, my fears, my hurts, and yet He is the one I so often am most afraid to trust. I am afraid to trust the Creator of the universe, that has named the stars in the sky, and knows the number of hairs on my head, He who spoke the very world into creation. In the grand scheme of it all I am truly nothing and He is truly everything, and yet He calls me His beloved, I am His treasured one. So why is it so hard for me to hand over my trust to the one who spoke me into existence and has my very best interest in mind?

I do know one thing. The times that I have been able to lay down everything, giving all things back to God that rightly belong to Him anyway, I am set free in a way that is hard to comprehend or describe. I think we, as Americans, often feel we are entitled to so much. I often catch myself complaining about things that take too long, or whining because I can't afford that new thing that I want but don't actually need. But when I really think about it, what is mine? Nothing is truly mine, not my money, not my job, not my house or car, or even my own life. All those things have been given to me by God and He can give me more or take it all away in the blink of an eye. But here is the key, God is good, He is so deeply in love with us, and has only our best interest in mind. Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

God yearns for us to go to Him in all circumstances large or small. He wants to show us that He truly is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider. My current living circumstances are a testimony to His provision. I rely on Him to provide my finances through amazing people like yourselves. But I am daily learning to trust even still, because so often I want control, so often I strive to have control over my relationships, my work, my things. When really, none of those things are mine anyway, He has given them to me to steward and ultimately to bring honor to Him.

All this to say, Jesus wants us to lean hard on Him, He wants us to desire His provision in every circumstance, He wants to give us His best (which believe me, is much better than anything I could ever imagine)!

2009-06-16T15:31:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I am home again! It was nice to be home and be able to see my brother graduate and spend time with my family and many of you. I thought that I would fill you in on a few new things that are happening here in Pismo as well as with ministry.

I think I had shared with you guys recently that I had been having a hard time just continuing to push forward in this pioneering phase of ministry. It takes a ton of patience, perseverance, and reliance on God, knowing that He has a plan and I need to be waiting on Him constantly. But breakthroughs have been happening, and that is what keeps me going! But as I have been praying, God has been speaking to me about some changes that need to take place in my ministry plan. I have shared a lot of these with you already, things like moving away from from the “program” mentality and creating each outreach to form fit each team and the experience they are desiring. By doing this we are then able to offer two to three trips every year for individuals who have a heart for missions and are looking to be a part of a short term service outreach. So both teams and individuals will be out impacting the nations and being changed themselves! I am still praying about a name for this ministry, but I feel like God has really impacted my heart through Isaiah 61 when it comes to being missions minded. So right now I am toying with the calling this ministry Project 61 with the tag line being, “Bringing good news to the poor, restoring the brokenhearted, freeing the captives, and releasing prisoners from darkness.” I feel like this is His cry for the Nations and what He is calling us to do.

In other exciting news I have a team interested in doing a scouting trip this August. They are hoping that by doing this trip they will be able to find an area that they can continue to minister to over the years. It will be a lot to plan in a short amount of time, but I know that God has a plan and a purpose for it! So please be praying for this, that the money would come through for the team and myself as well as that God would really be directing us as to where to go and what type of ministry we are to do while we are there.

I will send out another update soon to fill you in on all the details as well as other things that are happening with the ministry! Soon I will be done with all of the advertising materials that I have for Project 61 and I would love to hear from you if you would be interested in spreading the word about this ministry. So if you know of any groups or individuals of any age that are looking to do a short term outreach please feel free to pass the word along and hand out my cell number or email address. I can also email you attachments so that you can print out the advertising materials yourself to hand out.

Love you guys, write me if you have any questions!

God Bless,

Jacque

Worldliness

2009-04-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

I was able to go to the YWAM North American Leadership Conference this past week in Estes Park, Colorado. I was able to see some of you in my brief stop at church which was really nice for me, it was a much needed time to be able to see some old friends! But anyways this conference is for all of the YWAM leaders in North America, there were many times of worship and speakers that really were imparting the vision that God has in the coming years for YWAM. It was very exciting and also good for me to be able to experience this organization on a larger scale. I know that often I forget about what the bases around the world are doing, and that we really are a part of one huge team. I want to share a little about what I felt the Lord speak to me, these were things that were hard for me to swallow which always is an indicator that I need to work on them in my life! My hopes is that by sharing this realization that it would be an encouragement to you, I hope these posts never come across preachy, because my last intention is to preach at you. They are more intended to share, honestly, with you what is happening in my own heart, and if that encourages even one of you, well then I would say God is good!

Jim Stier, the founder of YWAM Brazil, spoke over several of the sessions and was really challenging us in how we often are so caught up in the world that we lose sight of Jesus. This has always been hard for me, maybe it's because I'm young, because we do live in the world and because I believe that God created this world for us to enjoy. This line is often blurry in my path through life, and not in the obvious ways but in those subtle things. For example, in Galations 5:19-21 it says, "19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." Now of course some of these things are pretty straightforward but the things that got to me were jealousy, hatred, and discord. If I think through this I can honestly say that I do this daily sometimes without even thinking. Just today, I was driving and this old man cut me off, and my immediate thought was "how dare he." Did you know that the definition of discord is a disagreement among people? WOW, how many times in one day do I disagree with someone, probably too many to count! Moving on, next on the list is selfish ambition. Well I fail totally here, sometimes I pout because no said "good job on that project" or "thanks;" how often do I catch myself judging someone thinking, "if only I could take over that task, I could do it so much better." And then there's idolatry. That word just sounds ugly to me but when I think about it I often put things in front of God. Idol is defined as a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered. Well I greatly admire my job and I love my family and friends a lot, and I find I often put them before God.

Then this verse goes on to say that "those who live like this will surely not inherit the Kingdom of God." Here's what I have been realizing. Often I take statements like this lightly, now don't get me wrong, God's grace is an incredible and truly indescribable thing. I do not want to down play that in any way, but often I use that as my easy way out. I never weigh the seriousness of the consequence, I never stop to think how truly horrible it would be to stand at the gates of Heaven and have Jesus tell me that I missed the point. Can you imagine? You missed it, Jacque.

Of course we are not perfect and can never even come close to being perfect, and that's why grace is so important. But God calls us to "live holy and blameless lives," now He knows we cannot attain this, but He calls us to try.

This week I have been trying to take a step back and evaluate my attitude moment by moment, and the conclusion that I have come to is that I suck! But you know what we gain when we allow the Holy Spirit to work in us? We gain love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That is good news! And you know what, when we begin to taste these things again, our actions begin to be an outpouring of our hearts.

If you are like me, I can say that I forgot what it meant to be living the fruits of the Spirit. It took me hitting my knees and giving God my idols and my jealousy and my selfish ambition so that the Holy Spirit could have room in my heart again. I realized that I could never love Him and love others fully when I was letting those things take root in my heart, so here I am taking it moment by moment knowing that I will fail, but God loves me incredibly regardless. He is there to pick me up, dust me off, hold my hand, and say "Let's try again Jacque."

I know this next thing is kind of an akward switch of gears but I have a need that I would like to share with you guys and I'm sure you don't want a barrage of emails from me! As you well know I live on monthly support, much of which comes from you guys. It is so awesome to see how God continues to use you guys in this partnership, I am blessed beyond words and am so grateful for you.

I recently had several supporters let me know that they would no longer be able to support me due to some financial difficulties, so I wanted to present this to you guys and ask if you would prayerfully consider supporting me on a month to month basis. I am in need of finding one or several people who would be able to fill that $125 amount per month. If this is something that you would be interested in feel free to email me at Jacque17lyn@aol.com. Thanks so much you guys, I will keep you updated on God's provision in this area!

Who Am I To Judge...

2009-04-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

So this post is very long overdue but I have lots to fill you guys in on, so I'm just going to get started! I had the opportunity to spend a little over three weeks down in Ensenada, Mexico this past month. The purpose of this trip was to be able to see how a long established base runs their Mission Adventure program. Basically it was an opportunity for me to get hands on experience with the program and pick the brain of the program director to see what things have and haven't worked over the years. It also was an awesome opportunity for me to spend tons of time in prayer over what ideas God has in store for the program here in Pismo Beach. As I was praying I felt God saying that He really wanted Mission Adventure's to have an Isaiah 61: 1-3 focus. This verse talks about preaching good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming freedom for the captives, and releasing from darkness the prisoners. At the end of verse 3 it talks about replacing ashes for beauty, which I think so captures God's heart for His people; He wants to restore us, not fix us and send us on our way, but truly restore us and grow intimate with us. So my heart is to be able to provide an experience for the students that not only grows their relationship deeper with Christ, but teaches them about the commission that God has called us to, and equips them to free the captives and bind up the brokenhearted. I am very excited to be back and feel that I have gained even more purpose and direction for this ministry, which is very exciting!

On a totally different note, I have really been wrestling with some things spiritually that I would like to share with you. I find that when I ask God to stretch me, He never disappoints! I am almost scared to make this my prayer because I know that God always follows through. Lately I have been asking that God would really grow my heart for people in general, often I am so judgmental of people that it effects the way I perceive sharing the love of Christ with others.

One night in Mexico, we took one of the teams out to the red light district to pray over the street. As we prayed I spotted several prostitutes on the opposite corner and immediately felt burdened for them. I asked God if there was an immediate need I could meet and I felt like He said take the money you have in your purse and give it to them. I dragged one of my Spanish speaking friends along with me and gave this girl the money and told her that God loved her. As I walked away I felt like the biggest hypocrite. I was so willing to share Jesus with someone that was so obviously in desperation but then judge others who have a "put together" exterior. On the way home I sat in the back of the car and quietly cried as it hit me, Christ died for the woman that makes my coffee at Starbucks, he died for that Mexican prostitute, and He died for me. In James it talks about how He despises favoritism, and here I was picking favorites. So what is my point, my point is that God has called us to love Him and love others. He said that was the greatest commandment. And how often do we distort this, thinking that our mission is to correct others, know more about the Bible, do good things to gain favor in the eyes of the world, I know I do all the time. But He doesn't call us to be the judge of people, He just calls us to love them.